Golden Silence
by Tani Glace
Summary: What if when Shuichi lost his voice he didn't get it back? What if He didn't go after Yuki? What if it took Yuki years to realize what he had lost and go looking for it? What happens when they come face to face again? Off of hiatus! YE/SS Yaoi Slash
1. Chapter 1

**Golden Silence**

I do not own Gravitation and no money is being made from this work.

I also do not own Beck (The Mongolian Chop Squad). While there will be some interaction and some bleed over from that series, this is NOT a cross over. I just like to pretend that they all live in the same universe.

I'm sorry, please don't be mad. I wasn't going to start this story until I got some more work done on _Twisting Fate_, but this one just kind of ran away with me.

I don't know anything about Japanese Sign Language, however I do know that American Sign Language is an abbreviated form of speech. I will not be taking this into account during that composition of this fiction. If anyone is offended by that fact then I apologize ahead of time. So keep in mind anything that Shuichi 'says' is what he means rather than what he would actually be signing.

Please bear with me here as this first chapter contains a lot of musing.

**Chapter One**

If someone were to ask I would tell them, "You can't be a 'has been' if you weren't ever a 'somebody'." Well that is what I would tell them if they asked, but no one ever asks because I'm an 'almost was' which is the same thing as a 'nobody'.

I had the chance once, the chance to be a 'somebody', but I lost 'it'. I lost whatever it was that drew people to me, which made them want to hear me. As far as my friends are concerned I lost my voice, but I know better. While it is true that I haven't been able to speak for three years I know that what I really lost was my sparkle. That is what Ryuichi called 'it'.

He tried to show me, but by the time I understood it was too late. I had lost my chance. 'A day late and a dollar short,' that is what the American's say.

I always knew that I should have gone after Yuki, but I didn't. He left and took my 'it' with him. I got caught up in my own fear, fear that I wasn't good enough for him and fear that I wasn't good enough for my music.

So the world moved on without me. Bad Luck is a big hit, but I am not part of it. Yuki Eiri is still a best selling author, but I'm not a part of his life either. I'm a 'nobody'.

Because I thought I wasn't good enough, I made sure that I really wasn't. If only…

Yes, if only…

XXX

Shuichi actually felt that he was really lucky. How many mutes with no higher education and almost no job skills can find good jobs doing something they love? Yeah, he considered himself lucky, even if said luck was owed to someone like Seguchi Tohma. He may have hated the man, but he was still grateful.

After he lost his voice, Shuichi had nowhere to go. He had bet his entire future on Bad Luck. So Tohma had taken pity on him and found him something he could do and he was surprisingly good at it.

For that past three years Shuichi had been a tutor, a music tutor. He taught keyboard and synthesizer to other mute individuals through an organization that catered to the handicapped and disabled. He was able to enjoy his work and it gave his a sense of accomplishment.

The world outside moved on. At first Shuichi would often show up at Bad Luck's concerts and smile sadly as he watched his friends grow father and father away. They had managed to find a good singer, one that Hiro and Suguru swore was only temporary until he got his voice back, but well…

Hiro used to look for him in every crowd. After the tour in America Shuichi stopped coming. Calls to Shuichi's family let him know that the former singer was doing well and keeping busy, but Shuichi never did show up to their concerts again.

Hiro often wondered about his friend, but somehow neither of them ever found time for the other.

XXX

"No, I'm sorry. I have to work." Yuiko frowned at Shuichi across the table. This was the third time he had canceled their trip. She had been trying to get him to go home with her for six months. Really after dating for a year was it a bad thing go want him to meet her parents?

"Shuichi, if you don't want to do this anymore then say so," she said, crossing her arms across her chest.

He looked up at her and bit his lip. Did he want to do this? Yuiko was a great person. She was kind, smart, pretty, and affectionate. He wanted to love her, really he did, but after a year with her he still felt… nothing. Slowly he lifted his hands and let his fingers form the words he was, for once, glad he couldn't have said out loud. "I don't want to do this anymore. I'm sorry."

Yuiko sighed. She wasn't surprised. She knew that there was a lot that she didn't know about him, things he wouldn't talk about. He flat out refused to discuss anything about the time when he had been almost famous. She could put the clues together well enough. He had been in love once. He had been in love with a man. The way he was in bed spoke loudly enough that he had no problem with women, but his heart was still absent. "Alright. I'm sorry too, Shuichi."

She watched him scrub a few tears from his eyes. He was far too sensitive. She reached across the table and covered one of his hands with her own. "Hey, it's okay. I'm not mad, not really anyway. I kind of suspected that you weren't as serious about it as I was. I wont say that I'm not…" she paused and drew back, "upset, because I am. I do understand though."

He looked up again and gave a watery smile. "Thank you."

Yuiko fiddled with her chopsticks. It was one of those awkward moments that you'd like to avoid if you could. It was an amiable break up, but now what? "I'd like to say that we could be friends and maybe in time we can, but right now I think I need some space."

Shuichi nodded and stood. He pulled out enough money to cover the bill and a large tip. After dropping the money on the table he paused just long enough to kiss the top of Yuiko's head. It was his way of saying goodbye. He knew that they would never be friends. If he saw her again though at least maybe it would only be a bittersweet meeting.

XXX

A heavy mist lay on the ground as dawn slowly broke on the horizon. A last few stars valiantly held on to the vanishing night. His steps were slow and even across the dew-covered grass and for a few short moments he was able to lose himself in the peace that surrounded him.

Yet all things change. Too soon the crickets gave way to the morning birds and then the city came to life beyond the tree line of the park.

The serenity he had been enjoying once again went the way of the samurai. The ideal was not forgotten but still a thing of the past. Any peace found now was a temporary reprieve from the inherent chaos of day-to-day life.

That was why he had started to walk in the park in the wee hours of the morning. He needed the reprieve. It seemed a bit ironic that he of all people would enjoy solitude, but life has a way of changing people. He hadn't been the same since… no it was best not to think of that or him. Yet his thoughts drifted to him anyway.

'I'm not the man I was. Would you even know me now, Yuki?'

The alarm on his cell phone beeped, letting him know that it was time to go home and get ready for the day. He would be tired again, but sleep seemed to come to him less and less. His mother had taken to fussing over him when she saw him because of the dark circles under his eyes, but there was little he could do about it.

He didn't deserve sleep or peace for that matter. He had taken too much joy from life and now he was paying the balance of his due. The only allowance he made were those few hours before dawn when he could forget.

XXX

Children are wonders to be sure, but Shuichi was ready to ring Shinta's neck. The kid was probably one of the most talented people Shuichi had ever met and yet he put forth no effort.

Shuichi had repeatedly tried to explain to the boy that talent without hard work was talent wasted. The boy didn't want to hear that of course. Like so many teenagers he thought that the world should be handed to him with no work at all.

Shuichi couldn't ever remember being like that. Though he had neglected his studies he had always worked hard on his music. He could remember numerous arguments with his parents over the fact that he spent study time practicing instead.

All Shinta wanted to do was read manga, watch television, and play video games. Perhaps that wasn't a bad thing in general, but for someone with the kid's talent it seemed so wrong.

Unfortunately Shuichi couldn't make Shinta want it and if Shinta didn't want it then he would never try hard enough.

So Shuichi sat back and watched Shinta 'practice' as he scribbled various ideas for lyrics in a notebook. Why he bothered anymore was beyond him. He kept telling himself that he would never sing again, however that little voice in the back of his head told him to write them down anyway. Part of him still believed that if he tried hard enough, if he wanted it badly enough… then one-day… just maybe…

It was a fools dream, but then Shuichi had always been called a fool.

XXX

It was strange to be home after so long abroad. Almost four years had passed since he had last stepped foot in Japan. Despite his dark past there, Eiri had always liked America. He was able to blend into the crowd more easily.

He had also gotten a lot of work done. He had four new best sellers out and a fifth that would hit bookstores across Japan and America in the next month.

So why did he come back to Japan? Well there was one thing that Japan had that America could not replace. The absence of this one thing in his life grew more and more glaring with each day. It was something that he had come to greatly regret leaving behind. Now he was to the point that he felt he might cave in upon himself if he had to go without it much longer.

Eiri held his silver lighter in his hand for a moment after lighting his cigarette. The sticker was long since faded and warn almost beyond recognition, but Eiri knew the image by heart. That sweet face so full of love and joy in a picture taken the last day Eiri had ever seen the subject. This was what he was missing. This is what he needed.

He needed Shuichi back in his life. It was something he would never have admitted to before, but he loved the brat. He had thought that if he stayed away long enough the pain of loss would fade and he could get on with life as his usual solitary self.

How the little idiot had managed to bury himself so far under Eiri's skin was a mystery to the author. He had once asked himself, 'How can someone so small make such a big impact?' Now he knew the answer, Shuichi was a force of nature.

He was one of those people that could draw the attention of an entire room just by smiling. It had taken a person that strong to get past Eiri's walls. It had taken a smile that bright to keep Eiri from pulling the trigger on that gun.

Even as a picture Shuichi had managed to cause Eiri pause. It had been pause enough for Eiri to realize that Shuichi was the strong one. After all the singer had gone through something much like what Eiri had suffered and had not been that much older than Eiri was when it had happened. Still Shuichi's only thought had been about protecting Eiri.

When Tohma had shown up in New York and confronted Eiri, the author had told him that he was staying. He had told his brother-in-law that it was time to stop running from his past. At that point Eiri was still waiting for the pain of leaving Shuichi behind to go away. He had still been convinced that the singer was better off without him.

Tohma had only been able to stay in New York long enough to see Eiri settled into an apartment before he had needed to return to Japan and his obligations as a band member and company president.

After that Eiri only heard from Tohma and his family infrequently. With constant reassurances that he was fine and having no further medical problems they let him be. When he did talk to them they all managed to conveniently avoid any conversation that might bring up Shuichi and so Eiri had heard nothing about the little singer. He couldn't bring himself to ask outright.

So now that he was home again the first order of business he had in mind was to find out when and where the next Bad Luck concert was to take place. He would have Shuichi in his life again. He would hear that sweet voice.

More than anything else he wanted to do something that he had very little experience in doing. He wanted… no he needed to apologize. He owed Shuichi that much and so much more.

XXX

Like I said mostly musing. More than a prologue, but not quite a chapter, I almost called this the prologue and a half. Eh, anyway.

So please review and let me know what you think. I don't think that this one will be updated that quickly, but you never do know really. Keep your fingers crossed. My computer has been fried so I am working on a browed one. I didn't loose my work though (thank heaven for external hard drives) however I can't get to this computer nearly as often.

I hope to have a chapter out for TF soon for those of you following that series. Anyway enough musing.

So? Too much? Not enough? There is more to come.


	2. Chapter 2

**Golden Silence**

Don't ask how it happened, but Kami-sama smiled on me. I now have a new, um newer computer. So we can hope that there will be no untoward delays in my updating. Like I said in chapter one I hadn't planed on updating this story so quickly, but the reviews were just so encouraging. Anyway, Bob (That is the name of my muse, don't ask) ran away with me again. So without further ado…

**Chapter Two**

The rain somehow seemed appropriate. As thousands of people rushed into the area around the third stage Shuichi quietly stood towards the back and listened. His heart swelled with joy caused by that one pure, sweet voice.

Shuichi had been known to frequent bars from time to time, but he did not go for the alcohol. He loved to watch the rising stars. Like any musician he would pick apart the bands. He recalled quiet vividly the first time he had stumbled into a Beck concert. He had noted right away that they had quite a bit of talent and worked well together, yet they had a long way to go.

Now watching them they seemed almost a different group. The music meshed together almost flawlessly. That insanely good guitarist and outstanding bass player were no longer carrying the group. That kid though, his guitar still need some work, yet his voice…

For a moment Shuichi closed his eyes and imagined that he was standing on that stage singing. He pictured the crowd screaming out to him like they once had. He could see Hiro and Suguru standing there with him in his mind's eye.

The image faded as quickly as it had come and the loss was almost painful. The fans were still cheering, yet the song was long over.

Shuichi made his way quietly out of the arena. He doubted that the fans would get their desired encore. The band had given their all, like it was the last time. Shuichi hoped he was wrong. Bands like Beck gave him hope. He would have to keep an eye out for them in the future.

As he made his way back to his car he mused. He doubted that he had ever heard of a better Grateful Sound. He didn't know how it could have been better, even if Nittle Grasper or Bad Luck had played.

Well there was one way it might have been better, for him at least. If only he could have sung. 'There's that fools dream again,' he berated himself as he drove away. He felt no regret in leaving a day early. He had seen what he had come for and he preferred to avoid the crowds that always gathered on the last day.

XXX

Eiri considered himself lucky. Bad Luck had just finished their fourth album and was due to start the promotional tour that night. The opening concert for the tour was in Tokyo and tickets had sold out months ago. However it just so happened that Eiri had some very good connections and not just his brother in law.

It would surprise him if the man didn't already know, but he had yet to inform any of his family that he had returned home, that included Tohma. He didn't much feel like being pressured into going to Kyoto just yet. He wanted to make a start with Shuichi again first.

While it may have been easier to go through Tohma for the tickets, Eiri contacted someone at his publisher first and was able to secure a good seat.

He had fretted for hours over what to wear and what to say. He wasn't good at this and it pissed him off how insecure he felt. Only Shuichi could do this to him. Only Shuichi could break down his barriers and make him feel so exposed. Sweet, innocent Shuichi, his Shuichi.

The crowd was rambunctious and Eiri had to elbow more than one person out of his way. When at last he made it to his seat he sighed in relief. He hated the madness of the crowds, but this would be worth it. Shuichi was worth it.

The opening band was okay, but nothing to bother remembering. He closed his eyes when they gave a short introduction to Bad Luck. He waited and the buzz of the crowd was overtaken by a guitar riff, then keyboards, and finally…

Eiri's eyes snapped open. No, he hadn't been wrong. That was not his Shuichi. What the Hell was going on? Had his slipped into some alternate dimension? Was he having a nightmare?

Bad Luck was Shuichi's baby; hell he had referred to the band as if it was a person. There is no way that he would let someone else sing for him. Hell, Tohma would have canceled the concert first. It wasn't Bad Luck without the energetic, pink-headed singer.

He waited through the whole song and then another. He needed to make sure this wasn't some kind of strange guest singer or duet. His heart grew heaver as the minuets passed and by the fifth song he new without a doubt that Shuichi wasn't coming.

He glared at the two band members behind the singer as if he could gain some answers if he stared at them long enough. Why had they gone along with something like this? They were supposed to be Shuichi's friends.

There was an instant when he could have sworn he saw Hiro noticed him. Maybe he was mistaken, but he thought he saw pain in the redhead's eyes. There was a story in that and Eiri knew just whom he was going to ask.

XXX

"How was the festival?"

Shuichi looked up from his much-despised paper work and smiled at the interruption in the doorway. He dropped his pen so that he could sign, "It was great. There was some of the same old riff raff, but there was this one band… they were just so good." He let the memory take him for a moment and was sure that he had a dreamy expression on his face. At last he shook his head, "So how was your weekend, Kenji?"

Kenji shook his head at his obsessive little friend. "Good, Saiko and I took the girls down to Yokohama."

Shuichi had to smile at that. Kenji had two of the sweetest little girls. Identical twins who were both born deaf. It was how he had started working with the Tokyo Handicapped and Disabled Organization (T.H.D.O.). "I'll bet that was a riot."

"You've got that right. The girls didn't know what to look at first."

Shuichi chuckled silently. He could just picture Kenji and Saiko running after the two seven year olds. They were very protective parents, for good reason, and so when they did take the girls out like that it usually turned into a three-ring circus. Shuichi had experienced it first hand on more that one occasion. "Sounds like it was a good time."

Kenji's mood fell just a little, but he kept the smile on his face. "Wish you could have been there. They understood though."

"Maybe some other time."

Kenji stood up strait and shook his finger at Shuichi. "I'm going to hold you to that. The girls miss their 'Uncle' Shuichi. You can't be antisocial all the time."

Shuichi's smile didn't quite reach his eyes this time. "I don't try to be, I just…" He let his hands fall to his lap.

"We know, but we worry about you."

Shuichi looked down at his hands and back up again. It had taken him over a year before he was proficient enough in sign language to talk to someone. The experience had been frustrating. Worse was having to write down everything he wanted to say. Now his hands took the place of the voice that people had once fawned over. It could still be a little disturbing.

Kenji and Saiko had been there for him in a way his family couldn't be when he had first started signing and they had stayed good friends. He owed them so much. "Thank you."

"Hey, what are friends for? Besides someone has to watch out for the fools in this world."

Shuichi felt his mood lighten a little and he stuck his tongue out. Kenji laughed as he headed out the door. The older man couldn't have been more than three steps down the hall when Shuichi heard him call out, "And finish your paper work on time!"

Shuichi rolled his eyes, but got back to work anyway.

XXX

"The condition is entirely psychological. The doctors all assure me that there is nothing physically wrong with him." Tohma steepled his hands in front of him and leaned forward on the desk. "Sora-kun was supposed to be a temporary replacement, meant only to keep the band's name in the public eye. It was Shuichi who came to me after six months or so and told me to make it permanent. He was going through a lot at that point and he didn't want the band to suffer for it."

Tohma leaned back in his chair and sighed. This was not an easy topic to discuss. They had avoided it with Eiri to keep the author from doing something rash or worse, blame himself. "Nakano-san and Fujisaki-kun still insist that when he is ready Shindou-san will be welcome back. However I don't know how the public would react to that at this point. Bad Luck has reached Nittle Grasper's level now."

Eiri was sitting bent over with his face in his hands. He ached inside. This was his fault. It had to be his fault. The timing was too close for it to be a coincidence. He slowly sat up and looked at his brother in law. He didn't want to ask, but he had to. "Do you… did he say… what caused it?"

Tohma tilted his head and rubbed his chin with a thoughtful look on his face. "No, however we have more than a few suspicions."

Eiri felt his gut freeze. This was it. He was about to find out just how badly he had hurt his lover.

"There was an incident after you left for New York. Ryuichi heard Shindou-san singing on a television program and reacted rather… badly. He was of the mind that Shindou-san had lost his 'sparkle', as he calls it. We believe that Shindou was traumatized by that."

Tohma looked back up and met golden eyes with a firm yet sympathetic look. It spoke volumes to Eiri. Tohma didn't believe that this was Eiri's fault. "Ryuichi tried to 'fix' the problem in his own way. However Shindou had already suffered a great deal from loosing you and being rejected by his idol. At least that is what we believe."

Tohma may not have blamed him, but that last seemed to confirm it for Eiri. Shuichi had come a long way in overcoming his idol worship. He still greatly respected the man, but Ryuichi had no longer been the mark by which he judged himself. That 'rejection' alone would not have been enough.

He liked to think that he had known his lover well enough to know that much anyway. As for the 'sparkle'… Eiri had once had a rather odd conversation with Ryuichi about Shuichi's special light. If Ryuichi said that Shuichi had lost his 'sparkle' than Eiri was the only one to blame.

A hand fell on his shoulder and he jerked up. "Eiri-kun, this is not your fault." Eiri stood up quickly.

"I'd rather not talk about this right now, I need to think."

Tohma watched Eiri worriedly, but did not stop him from leaving. He needed to talk to his wife. Mika probably knew her brother better than anyone. Right then Tohma didn't think he would be anything but a hindrance.

Eiri would blame himself for something that was not his fault. He hadn't cared so much for someone in so long. Somehow it felt just like that time…

XXX

Some twelve years previous…

XXX

The sixteen-year-old Uesugi Eiri was not so totally different from the man he would later become. Teased throughout his childhood do to his looks the young man was not quick to trust.

However unlike his older self, teenaged Eiri was kind, thoughtful, and loving. He had a close relationship with his family and a few friends. He was bright and energetic.

Unfortunately one summer changed all of that.

Kitazawa Yuki was a man of many faces. To some he was a kind, knowledgeable, and talented young man with bright prospects for the future. This was the face that Seguchi Tohma saw when he decided to trust if fiancée's little brother in the man's care.

To Eiri, Yuki quickly became the sun, moon, and stars. He was the perfect big brother. He was a man to be idolized and imitated. Eiri felt he could do no wrong for his 'big brother'. He felt unconditionally loved and wanted.

It was the other side of Kitazawa that Eiri and Tohma missed. It turned out to be a grave mistake. Yuki had become immersed in a world of indulgence. There were so many ways to 'buy happiness' in America and the young Japanese man had fallen into the temptation.

One night the young man made a fatal mistake. He gave into lust and petty greed. Eiri lashed out in self-defense, ever after blaming himself for the elder's mistake.

Upon his return to Japan, where once had been a bright, loving child with a few trust issues instead was a cold withdrawn boy who shied away from any kind of affection lest he be hurt again.

XXX

It had taken years for Eiri to learn to trust and love again. More than time it had taken the right person. Someone who did not back down from the walls that the author had built up around his heart.

Still not totally recovered and more fragile than he let on, Eiri was once again faced with a life-altering situation. This time he was the culpable party. Because of him Shuichi had lost touch with the magic that made him so special.

However, unlike the man who had shaped him so dramatically, Eiri was alive and well. He had the chance to put right what he had broken.

If only he could find the strength within himself.

Yes, if only…

XXX

So we got a little sip of Beck in the chapter and a short glimpse into Eiri's pain. All and all I think I am just digging myself deeper and deeper into a plot hole. I wonder if I can get out again? Oh well, we'll see I suppose.

So what do you think? Too much? Not enough? There is more to come.


	3. Chapter 3

**Golden Silence**

Man what a week. I had wanted to work on this sooner, but you know how it goes. The time line for Beck might not match up just right here. It has been awhile since I read this part and I don't have it on hand at the moment. Also this is obviously not quite how the incident happened in the Beck manga or the anime.

**Chapter Three**

His fingers danced across the ivory keys and a sweet melody surrounded him. Since the loss of his speech he had become more adept when using his hands. They were his voice and the music his words, even if he could only hear them in his head.

_'Come dance with me again  
The way we did back then  
Hold me close and keep me warm  
I'm a child when I'm with you  
So small in your arms  
Please come back to me  
And don't ever let me go'_

He stopped to make a few corrections on his sheet music and to play with the tune and tempo. The pain in his heart was harshly reflected in the somberness of the music. He was doing his best to key it high enough for a female voice, but his own tenor was what he kept hearing.

_''Cause the snow falls in June  
The sun eclipses the moon  
The rhyme is gone from my reason  
I don't know up from down  
Without you here to guide me  
My map's without a key  
Can't you understand?  
I'm nothing, without you'_

He stopped and pushed away from the keyboard in frustration. This had been a bad idea. He had thought that maybe he could keep writing his music and let others sing it. At least that way he might feel a little more fulfilled. Now hearing it meant for someone else's voice made it feel cheep.

'No one will know what I feel if I'm not the one to sing it,' the thought was a painful truth, but he couldn't sing. His voice was somewhere in America.

He punched the wall repeatedly until his knuckles started to crack and bleed. He felt his knees go weak under him and he slid down the wall leaving red streaks behind. He let his head rest against the cool plaster as silent sobs wracked his body and he cradled his now tender hands in his lap.

Time had passed and he had managed to make a new life from the shattered pieces of his old one. Still he mourned all that he had lost in so short a period of time. He missed his friends, he missed his lover, but mostly he missed his voice.

His singing had always been what defined him as a person. No matter how hard he tried, how much he wished, he never felt whole. So much was missing from him. He felt as though his very soul had been torn apart and poorly taped back together. There were still pieces missing. They were pieces that would only fit into place if that one essential piece were returned. That one piece, how he hated it… and loved it: Yuki Eiri.

Yuki was the key. Shuichi hated the man for steeling away his song, his career, and his very life. Yet, he couldn't help but love the man. Yuki was the reason he had found his inspiration to begin with. Yuki was the lyric to Shuichi's melody.

Shuichi took several deep breaths and stood up again flexing his fingers. They would be sore for a day or two, but looking at them there was no real damage just split skin. He had to shake his head at his own weakness. It did him no good to cry about the past. Eiri was gone. Shuichi's voice was gone. Bad Luck was gone. He would have to keep moving on without them and he would. Shuichi was a survivor.

Shuichi picked up his journal and wrote for a solid hour before so much as looking up. He felt lighter for the crying and the outpouring of emotions onto the page, if not so much for the now crustily scabbed and tender knuckles. 'I have to remember to clean the blood off the wall later.'

He looked at the clock and realized the time. It was late or maybe early depending on your perspective. He tucked his journal into his bag before walking back to the keyboard and computer long enough to save his work and shut everything down.

He grabbed up his bag and flicked off the light as he left the room. His thoughts were too much consumed by the past to do anything else productive so he headed out to the park. He would regret another sleepless night later, but for now he wanted some peace.

XXX

A few weeks later Shuichi found himself downtown, walking towards a rail station. It was getting to be dinnertime and he felt his stomach rumble in agreement at the thought. He almost walked right by the little ramen shop, but the pungent scent of hot soup caught his nose.

When he walked in the humid heat of the shop was in direct contrast to the chill of mid-autumn outside. There were two kids at the counter and the rest of the shop was empty. The kids were complaining about the quality of the soup so emphatically that Shuichi almost walked back out to find somewhere else to eat. Then he noticed who the young man in the pair was. It was the young singer from the band Beck.

He could never forget that face… or that voice. That voice brought him so much pain and longing, yet it was too beautiful to pass over. He blinked once when the server that came out of the kitchen was the older singer from that same band.

Deciding to stay he walked by them to the far end of the counter and sat down. The elder band member acknowledged him, but continued to talk to the young couple for a few moments.

Shuichi took this time to pull out his writing tablet and pen (both must haves for a mute in the real world) while he listened to the group's conversation. He was saddened to hear that he had been right. He could easily surmise from the discussion they were having that the band had broken up, most likely just after Grateful Sound. However it also sounded like the younger singer was trying to get them back together.

He jotted down his order when the pair got up and walked out, leaving a rather upset looking man behind the counter. After a moment the man seemed to remember he was there and came to take his order. "What can I get you?"

He slid the tablet across the table to the man who just looked at him for a moment before picking it up. "A large miso, yeah?"

Shuichi nodded and held out his hand for the pad. The younger singer waited until he was looking up again to speak.

"You deaf?"

Shuichi smiled and shook his head no. He quickly scribbled on his pad, _'Mute.'_

"Oh, that must suck."

Again Shuichi just nodded. The server looked at him sympathetically before turning toward the kitchen to get Shuichi's order. By the time he made it back Shuichi had written quite a bit for the man to read. He handed the pad over after accepting the soup.

'_I didn't mean to be nosy, but I heard the conversation with your friend. I think I know your band. You're from Beck right? I really liked your sound. It is a shame if you have broken up. I was in a band once and I miss it like hell. I would give a lot if I could have it back. You shouldn't give up something that you truly love, no matter what the reason.'_

Shuichi watched the man read while he started eating his soup. "You were in a band?"

Shuichi nodded and reached for the tablet. _'I was a singer before I lost my voice. I was with a band called Bad Luck.' _He handed the tablet back and continued to eat his soup.

"You were a member of the Bad Luck? You've got to be kidding me. They are huge."

Shuichi wished that the kid knew how to sign. It would be much easier to tell him all this that way rather than trying to write it all down. He mentally shrugged and started to write again. _'I was only the singer on the first album. Sora-kun came along after I lost my voice.'_

Shuichi pushed the tablet back and finished his soup. The man was just staring at him so Shuichi shook his head in a way that he hoped conveyed a 'what's wrong' sentiment, because the other still had the tablet.

It seemed to work though because the other singer shook himself out of it. "You are telling me that you are Shindou Shuichi, the original singer from Bad Luck?"

Nod.

"You are the man who disappeared from the public eye, much to the disappointment of his fans, with a single press statement that you were leaving for 'medical reasons'?"

Nod.

"You are the golden voice that was replaced by a half-wit, no-talent, money-mongering playboy who turned a perfectly respectable band into… into… bubblegum pop music?" (1)

The young man managed to ask the last question almost too quickly for Shuichi to understand, however understand it he did. He was a little taken aback at the venom in the man's voice. He sounded like he was truly upset by the whole situation. He didn't think that any of the fans cared that he was gone. However slowly, Shuichi managed to nod his head yes. In the end he supposed that was the person that he was, even if that is not what he himself thought.

"Wow." He had a looked of deep respect in his eyes that bordered on idol worship. "I loved your music man. I wish you were still singing."

That comment eased the clenching feeling in Shuichi's chest. He nodded his thanks as best he could.

"So the thing with your voice is why you left?"

Shuichi's smile turned painful, but again he nodded.

"Wow. I know I said it before, but that _has_ to suck."

Shuichi smile faded completely as he nodded emphatically.

"I feel for you man. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't sing. I'm Tsunemi Chiba, by the way," he introduced himself as he held out his hand. "Man, I can't believe that you know about Beck though. That is just too crazy."

Shuichi smiled again and shook his hand. He grabbed the pad from Chiba and wrote a few lines. _'I saw you playing at a bar and liked your band then. I saw you again I Grateful Sounds and…wow.'_

Chiba blushed when he read that. "You really think so?" Shuichi gave a big nod. "Thanks man. That means a lot coming from you. So what are you doing now anyway?"

Shuichi made like he was playing a keyboard using the counter. "Still playing huh?"

Shuichi nodded again and wrote a single word on the pad, _'teaching.'_

The conversation was cut short when someone yelled for Chiba from the kitchen. By the time he made it back to the counter the elder singer was gone. All that was left was the money for the bill, a large tip, and a single sheet pulled from the pad.

'_Chiba, I don't know what happened between you guys, but don't let it keep you apart. I love Beck, and I mean that I'm not just saying it. If you can get back together, do it. From what I have seen I know that music is very much a part of all of you. Don't let anything stop you. It will be worth it. Don't end up like me, full of regrets. Besides, the kid was right: the ramen here is really bad. -Shindou Shuichi'_

XXX

With Eiri – Two months prior to his return.

XXX

Eiri hit the bag again, trying desperately to will Shuichi's face from his mind using his fists. The doctor thought that it would be good therapy. He could work out his frustrations as well as his body. The only problem was that every time he thought about Shuichi, the pink-headed singer's face would appear on the punching bag. That in turn left Eiri felling guilty for hurting the brat.

He had tried everything. He had been drugged, hypnotized, exercised, and kept a diary among numerous other things. In the end he always ended up thinking about Shuichi again.

He didn't want to think about Shuichi. He didn't want to remember that part of his life. In ways it felt worse than remembering Kitazawa Yuki, because Shuichi had loved him too. 

Damn it. There it was again, the 'L' word. He hated the 'L' word. The word made him feel weak and vulnerable. He blinked as something struck him. 'Did I just think the word 'too'? I can't have. I don't love him. I didn't love him. I won't ever love him.'

He glared at the bag in front of him. He had once admitted to Shuichi that he had wanted to be with the man. It had been a true statement uttered in a moment of weakness that he deeply regretted. Really, who wouldn't want to be with the brat? The kid was hot. Sex on legs as they say. He was good in bed too. With the exception of the fact that the singer could be down right annoying at times he wasn't too bad of company either. He was a hard worker. He was sweet and thoughtful. He was a considerate lover. Most importantly he loved Eiri with all his heart.

'But that is all that is good about him. So, see I don't love him. I really don't. Anyone would notice those things. Besides it is not like he came after me. I don't matter to him. I don't love him. Why would I care about those beautiful lavender eyes? I don't. I don't care.'

He hit the bag again hard and winced when the image of a crying Shuichi popped into his head. "Damn it! I don't care about him, not at all." He whispered to himself. A little voice in the back of his head seemed to mock him.

'Just keep telling yourself that. You might believe it someday.'

XXX

Present

XXX

And so Eiri had come back to Japan. That was almost three months ago now, two since he found out what his leaving had cost the one person he would now admit to loving. Any thoughts of searching Shuichi out were quickly beaten down now. He now thought he deserved all the pain he suffered.

He had caused Shuichi to loose the one thing that was most precious to him. As a result he no longer had the courage to seek Shuichi out. He loved the man too much to cause him more pain. He would forever live with the regret of his actions. He would forever live with the face that he had been wrong.

XXX

(1) Bubblegum pop music – I don't know how many of you know what this as it is a very old fashioned term so I would like to take just a moment to clarify it. Bubblegum pop is usually whatever the current generation of preteens is listening to. Most time it is very generic and corny. Some current examples would be the Backstreet Boys, N'Sinc, and Brittany Spears. Obviously when used the way Chiba used it the term is derogatory.

The 'song' from above is not really a song, it is just something I wrote for this story.

Thank you all so much for your reviews. It is really encouraging.

So? Too much? Not enough? There's still more to come.


	4. Chapter 4

**Golden Silence**

Granted I don't know a lot about the geography of Kyoto, but I feel that this is at least a somewhat legitimate scenario when considering a big city (at least from my perspective).

Still don't know Gravitation.

One last thing: I don't think I have mentioned it yet, but there should be a warning here for foul language. Actually it really should be an indelible warning on my forehead. With the job I do it is really no surprise that I have such an… extensive vocabulary and that it filters into my writing. Anyway, you have now been warned.

**Chapter Four**

He hadn't slept. It was nothing new so he ignored the fact. He lay in a lounge chair on the balcony and watched the stars. The sky out there, away from the city, was crystal clear. There was no smog or excess light obscuring his view. The distance lights twinkled mysteriously and he suddenly wished he had studied astronomy. The constellations were enigmatic and he wondered what fantastic stories they held.

He pulled his sweater a little tighter around himself as a cool wind blew from the north. He let his mind wander as he observed the numerous lights in the sky. The moon was half full and waning but still so bright that it cast shadows upon the thin blanket of snow.

He let it all wash over him. He hadn't wanted to come, but now he was glad he had. Kenji had been on him about taking some time off for months, so he had finally relented and come here. It was nothing really that special, simply a small resort outside of Kyoto. It was peaceful in the snowy off-season. Somewhere he could relax, undisturbed. More importantly it was somewhere he could forget.

A single light streaked across the sky on the edge of his vision and a little voice in his head whispered, 'Make a wish.'

What could he wish for though? 'I don't know what to wish for anymore.' He wracked his brain for a wish. There had to be something he still wanted in his life. Well, there was one thing that he longed for, one thing that he wanted more than anything else. He stopped the idea before it could form. 'Wishes, hopes, and dreams, they're all so fleeting. They mean nothing in the light of day. So I just wish for tomorrow and whatever it may bring me.'

What a thing to wish for when he could have wished for anything. What a thing to ask. However as he wished his simple wish for tomorrow and left the rest in the hands of fate, some higher power heard instead his the longings of his heart.

So, what _would_ tomorrow bring?

XXX

Eiri hated Kyoto. The main reason for this was the fact that his family was in Kyoto and he did not particularly care for his family. Oh, he loved them, but most of the time he couldn't stand to be around them.

They all thought that they knew what was best for him. His father for instance thought that he would be happier if he settled down at the temple with a good wife and started a family. His brother thought he needed to start playing the field again. Tohma and Mika thought he needed to _talk _about it of all things.

He didn't need their advice and he didn't need their pity. He was sick to death of their constant meddling in his life. He didn't want talk about it he had been through enough therapy.

None of those things helped. None of those things could fix what was wrong. The _only_ thing that would make him feel better, the only thing that would make him happy, was Shuichi.

Shuichi was the reason that he had returned to Japan in the first place. He hadn't come home for his family, fans, or work. He had only come home with hopes of reconciling with his lover.

These were just some of the reasons he found himself driving away from Kyoto on a cold night. He had only let his sister guilt him into coming in the first place because he had been back in Japan for seven months already and had yet to visit is his father. He damned her mentally for her manipulations.

It had been late already when he and Mika had argued again. She had tried to stare him down after telling him he needed to get it off his chest. After an hour he had growled at her to 'back the fuck off' and left the house without a backward glance.

Now he was regretting his hast in leaving and he felt his eyes trying to droop with exhaustion. The whole week had been tiring, one argument after another.

He was already an hour outside of the city and the road was empty due to the late hour. There wasn't much in the way of potential lodging on the empty stretch of road, but he did remember seeing signs for a small resort. At it was the off-season for tourists he felt it was likely that they would have a room available.

When he passed another sign he took note of the advertised directions and made hast with longing thoughts of a comfortable bed and a good nights sleep, he hoped.

XXX

Shuichi wished he had the vocal capability to make is annoyance known. He had finally fallen asleep in the wee hours of the morning and now the alarm clock was telling him it was time to get up again. His little reprieve from reality was over and he had to catch the train back home that afternoon.

How a week of almost inactivity could go by so quickly he would never know. He glared at the alarm for a moment longer before slapping it into silence. He thought it was almost unfair that he could still hear every annoying sound with almost perfect clarity when he could make so few of his own.

'Fate is a bloody bitch.'

He forced himself to get up. He needed to shower, dress, and make sure he had everything before he could leave.

XXX

Eiri glared at the receptionist. It wasn't her fault that the resort had an early check out, but he felt the need to glare at someone and she was convenient. He forced himself to stifle a yawn before it could pass his lips and signed the receipt.

He turned and started toward the doors only to stop dead. His eyes had caught a sight that was almost too painfully beautiful to bear.

XXX

'Oh, god… oh, god… oh, god… I am not seeing what I think I'm seeing. He's not real. He's not here. He is in America. Oh, god, this isn't happening.' Shuichi's heart beat a rapid staccato in his chest. A pair of intense, golden eyes were staring into his own.

The surreality of the moment was suffocating and he felt lightheaded. 'Oh, god, why now?'

XXX

As if by some unseen force the pair slowly moved toward each other. The years lost between them seemed to vanish into nothing as they came within arms reach of each other and stopped.

They couldn't look away, but neither of them could find the will to take those last steps.

Eiri was forced to watch as a single tear slid down Shuichi's cheek and the stalemate was broken. A clashing of continents would not have had the force of that embrace. Shuichi found himself enveloped by strong arms and an all too familiar scent.

It was real. This was no dream. Eiri was there, solid and alive.

Neither could tell how long they had stood there, but Eiri's shirt was damp and so was Shuichi's hair when they pulled apart.

With the first wash of dizzying emotions gone the silence grew awkward between them.

"I…" Eiri didn't know what to say. He felt his guilt grow to overwhelming proportions when Shuichi shook his head and whipped away the tear tracks. The pink haired man straitened up and shouldered the bag he had dropped some moments before. He gestured for Eiri to follow him and he made his way to the counter.

Several members of the staff had been informed of his lack of speech over his weeklong stay and so the receptionist had pad and pen waiting for him. He smiled at her jotted a note indicating he was ready to check out. While she processed the forms he needed to sign he took the time to write a note the author.

'_I suppose we need to talk.'_

He passed the note behind him to the blond, unable to look back over his shoulder just yet, and took the forms from the receptionist.

"I suppose we do."

When he finished with the forms Shuichi looked at his watch. It was almost noon and his train left at three. If he was to make it to the station by two he only had half an hour before he _had_ to leave.

He turned around nervously. Almost four years had passed since he had last laid eyes on this man. It had been four lonely years of hurt and anger. Then suddenly out of nowhere they he was back in Shuichi's life. A thought struck the former singer and he could have laughed. 'Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.'

There was so much he wanted to say and he had no way to say it. He let Eiri over to the restaurant and sat down. He could at least eat with the man. 'I owe him that much don't I? Why though? Why do I owe him anything? He left me not the other way around.'

Neither man seemed very hungry when the waiter came around. Eiri ordered tea and Shuichi gestured for the same.

The silence grew cold between them until at last Shuichi wrote and pushed a note across the table. _'I don't have a lot of time.'_

Eiri didn't know what to say to that. He couldn't think of anything that wouldn't sound cheep. He looked into those lavender eyes and was consumed by shame. He had hurt this man so badly. "I'm sorry."

It was a simple comment, but the words were heavy between them. Eiri never apologized. He never admitted when he was wrong. Shuichi scribbled out another note. _'For which part? Are you sorry that I lost my voice or are you sorry you left me without a word or warning?'_

The anger was coming back. It was fueled by four years of pain and confusion. He wanted so badly to yell and rant. He wanted to be able to scream out all his pain at this man.

"I don't know. I'm sorry for both I suppose. It is no excuse, but I was…" he hesitated, afraid to admit his weakness, "… I was afraid."

Shuichi snorted. He snatched the pad back and scrawled a hasty message. When he handed it to the blond it took a moment for the author to make out the angry scribble.

'Fuck you. That is a weaker excuse than anything else you could have come up with. When I told you I loved you I meant it. I let myself be raped and beaten for you. I worked myself sick trying to make you proud. I gave you everything I had and you left me standing in the middle of a damn amusement park. Now all you can say is that you were 'afraid'? Don't you think that I was scared?'

Eiri looked up hesitantly. Shuichi's eyes were burning with pain and anger. "I…"

Shuichi shook his head._ 'I have a train to catch.'_ He ripped the page from his pad and threw it and some money onto the table. He got up and walked away as fast as he could while carrying his luggage. He didn't want Eiri to see his tears. He didn't want Eiri to know how much he still hurt.

He heard his name being called, but he kept walking. He made it to the rental car and threw his back into the back seat. He slammed the door with such force that the car shook, but before he could open the driver's door he was pressed against the cool frame of the car.

"Don't walk away. Don't do me like I did you."

Shuichi could feel the angry diatribe burning in his throat. He could feel the words ready to burst forth. However when he opened his mouth, nothing came out but a half choked and silent sob.

How dare this man stomp back into his life? How dare he try and force the issue? How dare he make Shuichi suddenly remember everything he had tried so hard to forget? How dare he use his own despicable actions against his former lover? How dare he make Shuichi want nothing more than to turn around and kiss him until neither of them could breath?

How dare he?

Shuichi bucked and pushed him back. He had the door open before he turned around, to face a frozen Eiri. Shuichi's face was shining with the fallen tears. "I have to go."

It wasn't until Shuichi was several miles away that either of them realized that the words had been whispered aloud.

XXX

I don't like this chapter. I don't know why. It came pretty easily when I wrote it, but as I read back over it, it feels… forced.

Anyway…

So? Too much? Not enough? There is still more to come.


	5. Chapter 5

**Golden Silence**

Rumors of my death are highly exaggerated. The only excuse I have for the delay on this chapter is my own extreme annoyance over the fact that these two characters just will _not_ come together in my head. Between this story and _Twisting Fate_ I am about ready to give up on them. Damn their stubbornness.

For those of you who think that Shuichi is already going to start talking, I'm sorry but you are in for a big disappointment. I didn't think so many people would misinterpret what happened. So let me take a moment and explain. First of all Shuichi's condition is _entirely psychological._ If he manages to ever get out of his 'funk' he would have no problems speaking again. Second, he whispered, as is in non-usage of vocal cords. In other words he didn't _really _speak. I may go back and change it to 'breathed'. Eiri only heard the words because he was still so damn close to Shuichi. It was a very small first step that Shuichi didn't even realize he was taking because he was so caught up in the moment and emotional turmoil of seeing Eiri again.

Sorry that I didn't make that clear, however it will be important later (especially where Eiri is concerned –wink-).

I don't think I have stated Shuichi's hair color in this story. He is still pink headed. Someone asked me so now you know.

One last thing and I will shut up. Thank you Ashcat. What you said helped me sort out my issues with the last chapter and I think I might have fixed some of it with this one. You're always so helpful. I should send you some catnip. ;-)

**Chapter Five**

Shuichi's gut seemed to clench and unclench spasmodically. When he realized that he had actually been able to force words past his uncooperative mouth he felt unrealistically ill. He wasn't sure what to think. The whole week suddenly seemed to have a sour note to it. The words that he had inadvertently breathed tasted bitter in his mouth.

'Why? How?' He kept asking himself the questions again and again.

He jerked the wheel of the car hard as the horn of an oncoming vehicle announced his distraction. His heart beat a rapid staccato in his chest as he pulled to a harsh stop on the side of the road. He collapsed against the wheel and descended into bitter, silent sobs.

Shuichi slammed his fist into the dashboard of the car in pained frustration. 'What the hell? How are you doing this to me again? Ten minuets back in my life and already I'm a wreck.' He wanted to laugh, cry, and scream his frustration to the world.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there lost in confused misery, moments or hours, but an insistent tapping forced him to look up through bloodshot eyes. On the other side of the foggy window stood a ridged yet concerned looking officer.

Shuichi sniffed to clear his nose and wiped his face before rolling down the window.

"Are you alright?"

Shuichi smiled weakly and nodded. He reached up and tapped his neck before pulling a pad from his pocket. He scribbled a hasty, _'I can hear but I can't speak and it's been a rough day,' _on it before passing to the officer.

The man tilted his head and nodded stiffly. "We got a call about a vehicle swerving into the wrong lane and running off the road."

Shuichi grabbed the pad back. _'I'm sorry. I was distracted.'_

The officer asked for his license and the vehicle registration before walking back to his car for a few moments. When he returned the officer sighed. "You really shouldn't be driving if you're that upset. Is there someone you can call to come and pick you up?"

Shuichi shook his head and looked down.

"I really don't think I should let you drive out of here…"

The officer was cut off by the sound of a closing car door and a call of, "I'll take him home."

Shuichi whipped his head around and saw Eiri walking toward them. The office looked back at the former singer, "You know him?"

Shuichi nodded but didn't look away from the blond. "Alright then I suppose that I'll leave you to it then. Just a warning this time, but next time if you're upset get someone else to drive you or stay home." He handed Shuichi's identification back and Shuichi nodded dutifully. The officer walked off to speak with the author for a moment before getting in his car and leaving.

Eiri walked up to the car and stood expectantly waiting for Shuichi to get out. Shuichi demeanor turned stoic and he scribbled on his pad.

'_I'm not going to leave the car sitting here.'_

Eiri read it and rolled his eyes. "I'll call Tohma. He is in Kyoto and can have someone come pick it up and take it back to the dealer."

Shuichi bit his lip. There really wasn't much of an option. He didn't want to risk getting himself killed. _'You'll take me to the station?'_

"I'll take you home."

Shuichi shook his head stubbornly.

"Look at your watch."

Shuichi narrowed his eyes but did as he was told. He was a little shocked to see that almost three quarters of an hour had passed since he had left the resort. He didn't have time to make it to the station. He glanced up at Eiri, but the author read his confusion. "Unlike you I took some time to calm down before I drove off. Imagine my shock when I dive up on this."

Shuichi felt the need to apologize. He had been foolish to run off in such hast. He ended up just shaking his head and getting out of the vehicle. He opened the trunk and started to grab his bags but Eiri stopped him and pointed silently to the other car.

Had he been able to Shuichi would have started grumbling, but in the end he knew better than to try and fight Eiri's will. The blond always got what he wanted in the end. The moment was too awkward to try and deal with anyway so Shuichi simply shrugged and walked to the other car.

Once he was settled in to the warm leather seat he felt the weight of the last couple of hours settle on him. 'I don't know what to think anymore. There he is, real and solid. A few years ago there wasn't a thing that I wanted more than him back in my life, but now…'

The thought trailed of and his lack of proper sleep along side his previous sobbing caused his mind to shut down and his eyes to close as he fell into a dreamless sleep.

-

Eiri snapped his cell closed on Tohma's questions after giving the man the location of the rental car. He didn't care to explain what had happened just yet. In truth he didn't know what was happening. Over the last few months he had resolved himself to a life of regret because of his own miserable cowardice. He had imagined a thousand different ways that he might run across the little singer again, but never had he thought of this.

Shuichi wore his pain like a coat. It was so obvious to Eiri, who had spent two years watching the man, that the former singer was lost in a painful depression. He wished that he could pass it off as his sudden reentry into Shuichi's life, but he couldn't. In all the time that he knew the younger man he had never once see something get him down. No matter what happened Shuichi always held his head up and pushed past whatever impossible obstacle was in his way. It was not like his brat to give up and except defeat.

'My brat, huh? I don't deserve him. He could do so much better.' Eiri closed the trunk on the rental car and turned back towards his own with Shuichi's luggage in hand. He couldn't help the small smile that formed on his face or the slight pang in his chest when he saw that the pink haired man was asleep.

In the four months that he had been back in Japan he had fought with himself again and again. It was the kind of internal battle that couldn't be resolved. It was the kind that ran around in circles until you felt dizzy. He wanted so badly to have Shuichi in his life but at the same time he didn't want to be hurt or to hurt the former singer.

"I'm a fool of the worst kind." He shook off his pointless train of thought and loaded the luggage into the trunk of his car next to his own. He pulled out the light blanket that he kept in the trunk for whatever reason possessed him to keep it there and smelled it. It wasn't too musty so he carried it will him as he got in. He as carefully as he could so as not to wake Shuichi and made sure that he was buckled in before covering him with the blanket.

The road slipped by silently and Eiri made good time because there was so little traffic. He let his mind wander over all the things he had done in the past three years to try and put this man out of his mind. He also kept thinking about his failed apology. The look on Shuichi's face in that moment, the anger and pain that radiated off of the man, it made Eiri wish that he could take the last three years back.

The author hadn't cried since he had broken down in front of Shuichi so long ago, but in that moment and for the second time that day he felt the sting of tears in his eyes and dampness on his cheeks. This man made him weak, but at the same time he was stronger with Shuichi than he was on his own. His little brat gave him strength to face the world as a real person as apposed to the work obsessed, cold hearted, emotionless zombie that he had been. Shuichi made him feel real and alive and he had destroyed that.

There was a ding from the dash as the low fuel light came on. Eiri grumbled under his breath but started looking for a gas station. They had been on the road for about two hours and he hadn't filled up before leaving Kyoto so really it shouldn't have been a surprise, but then he hadn't been paying attention.

When he was stopped at the pump he debated whether or not to wake Shuichi. They still had another three or four hours until they got to Tokyo. He could make it in two and a half if he was lucky, but he didn't really feel like getting pulled over and regardless of what he had told Shuichi he was still a little upset by the events at the hotel. He decided to just get the gas and make his own pit stop and if Shuichi woke later and needed to use the restroom he could stop again.

As he was heading back out to the car after paying for gas and his coffee he felt his heart leap into his throat. Shuichi wasn't in the car. In his panic he dropped his coffee to the ground and ran to the vehicle. The pink haired man was nowhere in sight. He turned to run back into the store but stopped mid step. Shuichi was coming out of the bathroom on the side of the building.

Eiri took several deep breaths to try and calm his franticly beating heart. When Shuichi was close enough he grabbed the unsuspecting man and wrapped him in a bone-crushing hug. "I thought you had left."

The words were strangely ironic and Shuichi felt a mixture of guilt and vindication. He would never intentionally hurt someone, especially not Eiri, but at the same time he was glad that the man had gotten a taste of his own medicine no matter how small.

With no small bit of effort he managed to push the lager man away. He looked up into those golden eyes and he could see numerous emotions swirling in their depths. He didn't know what he would have said had he been able to, but as he wasn't he decided the point was moot anyway. He stepped around the author and climbed back into the car, never seeing the flash of pain across Eiri's face.

The ride from there was inevitably silent for a long time. Eiri was unable to start a conversation that Shuichi would be unable to participate in beyond nods and headshakes. He would have turned on the radio but he knew from experience that the stretch of road they were on picked up no stations of any quality and he refused to reveal that the only CD he had in the car was the first Bad Luck album.

An hour passed in that fashion and Eiri finally broke the silence with a simple, "Are you hungry?" He watched the singer out of the corner of his eye and after a moments contemplation he nodded. "Do you have a preference?" This time Shuichi shook his head no.

Eiri pulled of the road in the next town and into a western fast food restaurant that he knew Shuichi was fond of. In the hope of being able to have some kind of discussion with the mute man Eiri pulled into a parking space instead of going through the drive through. Shuichi didn't seem to mind until Eiri insisted on paying for his food. However without the ability to verbally chastise the man and insist that he had his own money he gave up rather quickly.

When they had their food and were seated Eiri tried to think of a way to broach the rather painful subject that hung in the air between them. "I know that you don't believe me and that it really isn't adequate, but I truly am very sorry." He was off to a rather bad start once again.

Shuichi picked at his greasy fries and wondered how to respond to that. Eiri did in fact seem genuinely sorry, but how could that ever make up for all the pain of the last three years. Finally after rolling it over in his head he decided to be straightforward about it. He hastily wiped his hands on a napkin and started scribbling on his pad.

After several moments he tore out the page handed it to Eiri. _'I don't think you could ever understand what the last few years have been like for me. I lost everything in the matter of a few days. When you left I fought with myself over it but finally decided to let you go. It wasn't two days later that I lost my voice. After that things imploded on me so fast that I didn't have time to think. One day a few months later I realized that it was all gone. I had been holding out hope that somehow it would work out, but it finally hit me that I was simply paying my due. I have always been a semi talented kid with a lot of energy and drive. I didn't deserve the fame I got. Bad Luck mostly got recognition because of you."_

The note just ended there as if Shuichi had run out of steam. Eiri felt like an even bigger ass. He looked up at his former lover and stumbled, "I… I don't…"

Shuichi shook his head and handed him the next page. _'I don't blame you. What happened was my fault. Not the part about you leaving, but the rest of it. I dreamed too big and it grew too fast. I lost control of it and when something happened I had no way to fix it. I gave up Bad Luck for her own good. She was always better than me. I just didn't see it until that happened. They are better off how they are.'_

Eiri started shaking his head no about half way threw that page and when he finished it he felt new determination. "You're wrong. You were Bad Luck. The band I saw play a couple of months ago was not Bad Luck, they were something else altogether. You made that band and it will never be Bad Luck if you aren't a part of it." It was true and it was how he really felt.

Shuichi didn't know how to take that. He had never heard Eiri be more emphatic about something or sound more honest. However millions of fans disagreed with him. Bad Luck was a bright and beautiful thing without him. He shook his head and looked down at his half eaten food.

"You don't believe me?"

Shuichi had to look up at his tone and what he saw on Eiri's face was nothing less that completely genuine disbelief. Still he chose to be honest and shook his head 'no'.

Eiri bit his lip for a moment in thought. His mind was working at a rapid pace to put things together. All the pieces were falling in place. He may have been the trigger that got things started, but he wasn't truly the cause of Shuichi's problem. It was bigger than that. It seemed to Eiri that Shuichi's real problem was a combination of deep seeded self-doubt, spontaneous fame, and fear of rejection. When Eiri left and Sakuma disapproved of Shuichi's new attitude it caused Shuichi's break down. However the reason he hadn't recovered was because somewhere deep inside he didn't think he deserved to.

When these thoughts resolved themselves in Eiri's mind he came to a possibly life altering decision. 'Even if he can never forgive what I have done I am going to get him his voice back, no matter what.'

He looked at Shuichi with determined eyes. "I'm going to prove to you that I am right. I am going to prove to you that you are Bad Luck and you deserve to sing for her."

-

Well, after taking so long to update I hope that this chapter is a little bit redeeming. Like I said to start, this was hard to write.

So you guys know though I already have the next chapter in the works, however it will not be up for at least a few weeks as I am about to be out of the country for awhile. I am going on my first real vacation in years for my birthday. Woohoo!

So? Too much? Not enough? There is more to come.


	6. Chapter 6

Golden Silence

I'm not going to make excuses. I don't really have one that you would believe anyway. I am going to say, in all honesty, that my life has been a living hell lately. I won't go into it, cause if I did we would be here all day and still not get to the chapter. The short version is that my muse took a leave of absence while I tried to get my personal problems under control. I'm slowly starting to get ideas for my stories again, but don't expect me to update like I did back in the day when I started _No Escaping_ _Fate_. I'm not back to that level of production yet, but I am working on it. Keep your fingers crossed for me that things will get better and keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Hopefully things will get better soon, cause if they don't I don't know what I'm going do.

Now, about the story. Eiri in this story, like my other Gravitation stories, more closely resembles the more bi-polar/MPD/needy Eiri portrayed in the manga as apposed to the more callous/independent Eiri of the anime. Some people seem to dislike this. I know that my plot is based off of the anime more so than the manga, but there is a president for Eiri's attitude in cannon. For those not familiar with the manga it is Shuichi that ends up in America (granted he was kidnapped, but he stayed of his own accord) and it is Eiri who follows him to bring him home. Eiri is a very needy and demanding person, but he proves just how far he will go for Shuichi. I think this justifies my point of view and why I am portraying them as I am. If any of you still have questions please don't hesitate to ask.

Now I have talked long enough, on to the story.

I still don't own Gravitation or Beck.

Chapter Six

It seemed unnatural to be in Shuichi's presence for so long and not hear a sound from the younger man. There was no inane talking, no singing, no whining or crying. Shuichi had simply sat there and watched the scenery pass outside the window for a while before pulling out an MP3 player and listening to Kami only knew what. Eiri could occasionally hear strains of incomprehensible melodies when the music would crashendo, but other than that he spent most of the ride locked out of Shuichi's music induced solitude.

Eiri tried to content himself simply watching the pavement pass beneath them but his thoughts were constantly drawn to the solemn figure next to him. He didn't know how to break past Shuichi's walls. He had seen Shuichi depressed from time to time over the course of their relationship but it had always been a fairly simple mater to knock him out of it.

None of this had been on Eiri's agenda when he had set out to win back his lover. Somewhere in his heart he had expected for Shuichi to simply run into his arms and take him back without a second thought like he had always done before. He had been ready for that. He had mentally prepared himself as best he could to except the hyper active singer back into his life. That was what he wanted. He wanted that man who loved him unconditionally despite, or maybe even because of, his faults.

This was something completely different. He didn't know how to be on the other end of the chase. He didn't know how to be the pursuer and not the perused. He had never been put the position where he had to work to be near someone. It went against his nature to seek out others, especially when they seemed unwanting of, or at least indifferent to, his company.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be.

'_But whose fault is it that it turned out this way?'_

Eiri shook that thought from his head. He refused to give into guilt again. He had already done that once when he was faced with the consequences of his actions. Because he felt guilty and because things were a little harder than he had anticipated he had given up and gone back to his usual game of hiding from things.

Regardless of the fact that he had been raised in the temple he had never been much of one to believe in fate or god. Still from the back of his mind the part of him that was indelibly marked by his father's teachings whispered that everything happened for a reason. The more he thought about it the more he saw the pattern and the harder it was to believe that there wasn't some inescapable force pushing he and Shuichi together.

Since the vary first time they met in that park the winds of time a fortune had worked to move them toward each other. For a moment Eiri let himself wonder if it wasn't just hormones and if there really was some greater plan. Was there some higher power acting on he and Shuichi, some purpose behind it all?

His mind kept running in circles, but the wondering wasn't doing him any good. He was abruptly broken from his thoughts when a very familiar tune disrupted the silence. The song was interrupted before the first line of lyrics had completed. Eiri almost wished that Shuichi hadn't answered the phone, if only because he would have gotten to hear more of his former lover's voice. Not that he didn't play the CD every day anyway.

He heard Shuichi snort and chanced a glance to the side to see him rapidly entering a text message. When he was done and had put the phone back in his pocket Eiri took a chance. "Everything alright?"

He watched Shuichi nod and then turn back to the window. Eiri almost felt like sighing, but resisted the urge and pressed a little more. "Friend?"

Shuichi didn't even turn back towards him when he nodded this time. There really wasn't much for it, Eiri decided. "I have to stop for gas soon."

Shuichi shrugged and Eiri bit the inside of his mouth to keep from snapping at him. He knew perfectly well that Shuichi couldn't say anything, but he could have at least made an effort to show something besides indifference.

It was about twenty minutes later and a little less than an hour outside of Tokyo when Eiri pulled in for gas. The stop was really somewhat of an excuse. He still had better than a half a tank left and could have made it to Tokyo without a problem, but he didn't like to fall below half if he could help it. It was convenient that it gave him an excuse to try and pry something, anything out of Shuichi.

"I'm going to run in for a drink. Do you want something?"

Shuichi waved him off and got out of the car. Eiri could only watch him as he walked away.

Shuichi sighed in relief as he entered the store, knowing that Eiri had not followed him. It was frustrating to be watched like that. He was a big boy and he had been taking care of himself quite well for a while now. The blonde's over protectiveness was stifling.

He didn't browse long rather quickly found a bottle of juice and headed to the counter to pay for it. Eiri walked trough the door as the clerk handed Shuichi his change.

"We'll be there in about an hour."

Shuichi nodded. They were already in the ever thickening suburbs that surrounded Tokyo. He had once gone with Kenji and his family to visit Saiko's parents who lived not ten km from where he stood.

"If you don't mind, I want to walk for just a few minutes and stretch my legs. Will you come with me?"

Shuichi looked at the blonde and couldn't miss the hopeful tone of his voice or the glint in his eyes. He took a deep breath and nodded. It wasn't like he had anything better to do anyway.

They walked out of the shop and Shuichi took a moment to spot the car which had been moved to a regular parking spot away from the pumps. The town was small and Shuichi had no trouble recognizing several of the shops near the gas station. He knew one was a music store so he just let his feet carry him without much thought and subtly watched Eiri out of the corner of his eye.

The blonde hadn't changed that much over the years. Shuichi didn't think the older man had noticed, but he had been watching Eiri for most of the latter half of the ride. Eiri would be twenty-eight in February and there were a few very fine lines forming at the corners of his mouth and eyes. It almost made Shuichi want to smile. Little things like that were proof that the sometimes heartless man was in fact human.

As Shuichi pushed his way into the music store he couldn't help but frown. There was not just one, but rather several posters advertising Bad Luck's newest album. It wasn't even out yet. Granted it was the gift giving season and there were liable to thousands of copies stuffing stockings across the world for Christmas, but still. He shook his head to clear the thought. If they wanted to put out an album every six months then what business was it of his?

He tried not to think about Bad Luck as Eiri followed him through the isles. It took him only a few minutes to find the Indies labels. He dug through the stacks of poorly organized CD's but eventually found what he was looking for. There it was, just like he hoped it would be and a soft smile forced it's way onto his lips. It wasn't a full album yet but it was new music. _'Keep at it guys. You'll make it someday.'_

It almost made him wish he still had pull, but he had cut those connections.

"Who're they?"

Shuichi rolled his eyes and handed Eiri the disk. He picked up the only other copy and walked to the nearest scanner. Pulling on the headphones he ran it under the light. He waited, but nothing came up. He huffed and headed to the counter.

He pulled out his notepad. "What's up with the scanner? It wont play this disk." He shoved the pad toward the clerk who seemed more interested in the magazine she was reading.

"That one's not in the system. We didn't see the point. It's not like they're any good." She turned back to her magazine.

Shuichi scowled and knocked on the counter. She looked back up. "What?"

"He wants to buy it, I thought that would be obvious." She and Shuichi both turned to Eiri who had come up behind him. "Or is the music here only for looks."

"Na, I just can't believe that he wants to buy such lame music."

"Well that makes two of us. I for one trust his judgment." Eiri set the other copy of the disk on the counter and Shuichi looked at him incredulously. "What, it's the truth. It's not my fault you get every song you ever played around me stuck in my head."

Shuichi just snorted and turned back to the clear to hand her his money. As soon as the bag was in his hand he headed to the nearest player the store stocked. He made sure the display model was plugged in and popped_Tabasco_(1) into it and hit play.

He cranked the volume all the way up to drowned out whatever garish band was playing over the speakers. The clerk scowled at him, but the three other patrons faces quickly turned to the disturbance. He could hear one asking who the band was and the other two both looking intrigued. He hit stop just before the first track finished and pulled his disk from the player. He walked back to the counter where Eiri was waiting with a cocky smirk on his face. Shuichi quick scribbled a note to the clerk and walked out, Eiri close on his heels.

Half way back to the car Eiri stopped, a thoughtful look on his face. "What did you write to her?"

He heard Shuichi snort as the rosette pulled his pad out of his pocket. When he handed the note to Eiri the older man couldn't help but to laugh.

"Looks like you need to order some more copies of that 'lame music.'"

XXX

The mood in the car was much better as they headed into the city. After Eiri's confession in the music store Shuichi had no problem plugging his MP3 player into the stereo and letting his favorite music fill the car. It helped to soften the too quiet atmosphere that had surrounded the two of them since they left the outskirts of Kyoto.

More than once Eiri paused his thoughts when he thought he heard a hum alongside whoever's voice happened to be coming from the radio. He could have sworn that Shuichi was singing under his breath, but he passed it off as wishful thinking.

Eiri drove slowly as Shuichi pointed this way and that, giving silent directions to his flat.

In the parking garage, MP3 unplugged, there fell an awkward silence between them. Eiri, who made his living off of pretty words, again did not know what to say to his former lover. This man, this ray of light that had been absent from his life for so long, whom he had wronged to badly, was leaving him again. The mere though of it caused a pain in Eiri's chest. His only comfort was that Shuichi seemed to be hesitating too. He was not getting out of the car.

Eiri racked his brains for what to say. He had promised Shuichi that he would help the man get his voice back. He had promised it quite emphatically. That was it. "I meant what I said."

Shuichi could only look at him questioningly.

"I want to help you get your voice back, whatever it takes. I want… I want to make amends I guess." Shuichi arched a brow. "I know it isn't the same," Eiri added quickly, "but I can't ever fathom you forgiving me until I can at least forgive myself. I hurt you so…"

He was cut off by soft fingers on his lips. Shuichi shook his head.

Eiri followed his gut, knowing that what he was about to do was out of line. Nevertheless an instant later his lips were on Shuichi's and the younger was not resisting. The kiss was a desperate plea for seemingly unattainable redemption. Eiri could only moan when he felt small hands in his hair pulling him closer. Pain, hunger, need, hate, sorrow, anger, joy, an undying love, and something else passed between their lips in that kiss. They could both feel it… it was there no matter how faint… it was the very first trace of forgiveness.

XXX

This is without a doubt, a very short chapter (only 2,200 words without the author's notes). However I claim that it has made more progress in the story than the last several I have written for any of my Gravitation stories. It was a good stopping point and not a cliffhanger.

I am already working on another chapter even as I wait for Fanfiction to load so I can post this. I don't know if I will finish it anytime soon, but a girl can hope that she is getting back on the ball. If I stay in my grove it may be up later tonight, or it may be up next year. Like I said at the top, just pray for me.

(1) I am 99.9 percent sure that this is the name of their second album. It had _Spice of a Life_, _Face_ (Sister), and _Brainstorm_ on it. I think anyway, but I am not for certain as I don't have any of my manga on hand as I am writing this and I can't find the info online.

Too much? Not enough (I know it's not)? There is still more to come.


	7. Chapter 7

Golden Silence

Quick reminder: Anytime Shuichi or Kenji's daughters (Yoiko and Sakura) 'speak' they are signing. Kenji and his wife Saiko sign as they speak allowed.

Chapter Seven

The smell as he entered his flat told Shuichi that he was not alone. Figured. Kenji was as stubborn as a box of rocks when it came to that kind of thing. He had replied to the man's worried text saying he was fine and that he had gotten a ride from a friend after missing his train.

"Oh, thank god you're home. We were worried sick about you." Saiko rushed out of his kitchen and Shuichi had to suppress the urge to roll his eyes.

She was well meaning enough but sometimes he wondered if she thought he was just another one of her children to smother. "I'm fine. I told you I was fine."

"You said you got a ride from a friend. Who do you know in Kyoto?" Shuichi sighed. She had her hands on her hips. It was all over for him if he gave the wrong answer.

"I actually know several people in Kyoto." _'I just don't have anything to do with any of them anymore.'_ He added to himself.

"Like who?"

'_Damn she is getting on it now,' _he couldn't help but to think. "A former boss, my ex's brother and father, and Hiro's girlfriend."

"And just which one of these people was kind enough to give you a ride all the way to Tokyo?"

"None of them."

"Then who…" she was cut off by Kenji's good sense of timing.

"Quit grilling the poor man. He doesn't even have his shoes off yet and this is his house." The man wrapped his arms around his wife to restrain her.

Shuichi could hear her grumbling under her breath, but he took advantage of the moment to slip off his shoes, throw his keys on the counter by the door, and head to his bedroom to drop of his suitcase. He heard the television playing the quiet rattle of toys as he passed the living room answering the question of whether or not they had brought the girls or left them with Saiko's mother.

He knew he was in for it the moment he walked through the door, but he wasn't really sure now of what to say. _'Yeah, I just happed to run into my ex-boyfriend who left me stranded in an amusement park and I haven't seen since. Let's not forget that this is __**the**__ Yuki Eiri who I swore I would never have anything to do with ever again after he utterly broke my heart. So anyway I let him drive me home and we just made out for an hour in his car down in the garage. It's all good don't worry about it. I mean it's not like I still love him with my entire soul or anything so…'_

His mental rant was cut off by a knock on the doorframe behind him. He looked up from his suitcase, which he had been staring at like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Kenji was propped against the wall watching him. "Want to tell me about it? I doubt that any of the people just mentioned were who drove you home."

Shuichi slumped onto his bed. "It was Yuki." He didn't know why he had admitted it and he wasn't sure it was a good idea if the look on Kenji's face was anything to go by. It was no secret that Kenji hated the mere thought of Yuki Eiri for everything that Shuichi had told him the man had done over the years. "It was a coincidence," he added quickly trying to head of Kenji's temper.

"I thought he was in America," Kenji said sitting down next to Shuichi.

"Me too. I don't know how long he has been back, but it's been at least a few months. He mentioned going to that Bad Luck concert a while back." Shuichi let himself fall back on the bed and stretched. He was a little stiff from sitting in a car that long.

"It was weird. I saw him while we were both checking out of the hotel. We had coffee and I got mad and stormed out. I ended up having to pull over, I was too upset to drive and he pulled up on me and the cop who had stopped to check on me. I already knew I was going to miss my train and he was headed this way anyway so I let him drive me."

Kenji just sat watching his friend relate the story. What could he say? It was obvious by the look on Shuichi's face that more had happened than he was telling.

"We got back here safe and sound, so I don't see what the problem is. It was a little awkward, but we mostly just listened to music and ignored each other." _'Not quite, but all that Kenji needs to know.'_

"Okay, now what are you leaving out?"

'_Damn.'_ Shuichi didn't have any choice. He knew that if Kenji had caught on to his omissions then he wasn't going to let go of it until Shuichi spilled. So he told Kenji the rest of the story.

XXX

Eiri ignored the blinking light on his answering machine and threw his still silenced cell phone on the counter as he made his way into the kitchen. He still had a goofy grin on his face and he knew it, but he didn't care. There was a warm feeling in his gut that he hadn't felt in a long time… it was hope.

XXX

Shuichi could hear Saiko and Kenji talking in the kitchen. He had offered to clean up after the meal they had made, but they had run him out claiming he needed to rest and spend some time with the girls. He knew they just wanted to talk about what Shuichi had told Kenji.

Eiri had been back in his life for less than a day and already Shuichi felt like the man was taking him over. Kenji was one of the few people who Shuichi had told the whole story to. That didn't change the fact that it bugged him that Kenji was making a big deal out of it already. It _was_ Shuichi's life after all.

Shuichi shook his head and turned back to the girls. They were playing a board game that Shuichi really didn't understand. It didn't mater if he did understand it he would have let them win anyway. Shuichi realized it was his turn and spun the little wheel on the board before moving his car the requisite number of colorful squares and drawing a card. He looked down the little list of occupations until he found his. "You must pay your agent ten percent of all holdings," he signed what it said to the girls, both of who had happy grins on their faces. He was losing badly.

'_Damn, serves me right for being a rock star. I should know better by now.' _

XXX

Eiri was lazily blowing smoke rings into the air. It was cold out on the balcony, but he really didn't care. It was nice too. For once it wasn't a cold beer that he reached for, but rather a warm cup of tea. It had been hot tea just a few minutes before. It really was cold. He didn't notice that much since he had just a warm feeling in his gut.

He heard the phone ring again inside and wished that he had remembered to turn off the ringer before coming out. He heard the machine pick up and the generic female voice claim that he wasn't home or was unable to come to the phone then the telltale beep.

"Aniki, pick up. I know you're home so just come pick up the phone. Damn it Aniki if you don't call Mika soon I'm going to personally come to Tokyo and kick your ass. I am sick of hearing her bitch because you ran off. What the hell happened anyway? She was freaking out after you told Tohma to send someone after a car. Don't tell me you picked up some random chick on the sid…" beep.

Eiri snorted and took another sip of his tea. He had no intentions of telling anyone what happened just yet.

XXX

The girls had fallen asleep on the couch watching a movie and Shuichi sat at the kitchen table being stared down by Kenji and Saiko. He fiddled with his teacup. "What do you want me to say?"

Kenji's look was stern. "Say you aren't going to see him again."

Shuichi couldn't decide whether to be mad or chastened. "I can't do that."

"Shuichi…" Kenji was silenced by Saiko's hand on his arm.

"Shuichi we care about you and we are worried. There is no guarantee that he wont up and leave again."

Now Shuichi was knew what to feel. He was pissed. "I'm not saying that he has suddenly changed and I'm not saying that it is going to be easy to be around him, but I will be damned if I just walk away. I loved him… I still do. He means too much to me even now to not at least hear him out. Its not like I plan to just jump back in his bed. Its not like I'm moving my stuff in. Hell we aren't even a couple. Sill I owe myself the chance. _I_ want to know if he has changed. _I _want to know if he can fix what he has broken inside me. I'm stronger than I was back then. I've never gotten over him and if nothing else this is a chance for some god damned closure. Don't try and take that away from me."

Shuichi pushed himself up angrily. He walked to the door and grabbed his coat, keys, and cell phone as he slipped on his shoes. He needed to take a walk. They just didn't get it.

XXX

Eiri looked up from his computer when he heard a knock at the door for the second time. He glanced at the clock and realized he had been typing for hours already. It didn't seem like it. Hell he hadn't been this enthusiastic about his writing in a long time.

Whoever it was knocked again and he sighed. He clicked the save button and forced himself to get up. It didn't seem like they were going away anytime soon.

He looked out the peephole and blinked in surprise. Well he definitely hadn't expected him to show up.

XXX

Shuichi walked aimlessly for a while until his feet carried him inevitably to the park. He leaned against the railing and looked out over the city. It was peaceful. He didn't really know how long he had been standing there before a thought occurred to him. He knew where to go. He knew just who he needed to talk to. He headed off in what he hoped was still the right direction.

It wasn't really far to walk. His feet knew the way. When he knocked on the door there was no answer so he knocked again. _'I wonder if he still lives here.'_ Then again it was late, but he needed to talk. He tried one more time and he heard footsteps. His heart clenched a little when he heard the lock click. The door opened and it was just the face Shuichi needed to see.

XXX

I'm not telling. I know you guys want to kill me right about now, but you will just have to wait until I update again. There are 4,700 words between these two chapters and that is not bad for one day's worth of updates. I am getting this out as I write it in hopes of keeping my muse stimulated enough to keep the updates coming. I wont promise anything but I have a good feeling all of the sudden about this story.

Too much? Not enough? More to come.


	8. Chapter 8

**Golden Silence**

A/N: Most of you had Shuichi's visit pegged, but no one even made a guess as to who was at Eiri's door. What is up with that? Well, I had intended to have Shuichi visit Hiro, but the scene was overtaken in my head by this instead. So Shuichi will be making his grand reunion with Hiro latter. (Beware the dreaded flashback!) It will still work so don't worry about it. If you get confused just beat me up latter.

Anyhow, per a few requests to reduce confusion, I will now be italicizing the sign language. Fare warning, this is a short chapter and you are all going to be mad at me.

"Talking."

_"Singing."_

'Writing.'

_'Signing.'_

Disclaimer: I do not own… etcetera, etcetera.

**Chapter Eight**

Eiri pulled the door open and stepped back. "I didn't expect to see you again so fast."

Shuichi shook his head. He hadn't thought so either, but his little 'talk' with Hiro had helped. His best friend, man it was nice to be able to call Hiro that again and know it was true, stuck by his belief that whatever made Shuichi that happiest was the best course of action. Though he did promise Shuichi that if Eiri hurt him again he would personally see to it that the blond was eviscerated.

Eiri gestured for Shuichi to come in. After slipping of his shoes and moving toward the living room Shuichi's first thought was that the place looked the same.

"Would you like something to drink?"

Shuichi jumped a little, having not noticed Eiri come up behind him. He turned and shook his head no. He sat down at the far end of the couch and continued to look around. The place seemed almost nostalgic to him.

"No offence, it is not that I'm not glad to see you or anything, but why are you here?"

Per habit Shuichi reached for his pad, only to remember that he had left it at home on the counter. Eiri seeing this got up and walked out of the room for a moment before returning with a few sheets of blank printer paper and a pin. Shuichi accepted them and nodded his thanks.

'I don't really know. I just needed to see you. Sorry I came so late.'

Eiri shook his head. "It's fine. I'm glad you're here."

Shuichi could see something in Eiri's eyes. It pulled at his heartstrings and he felt some more of his apprehension drain away. 'I've really missed you, you know.'

"Me too."

'It hasn't been easy with you gone.'

Eiri stood up and crossed his arms, turning away to look out the darkened window. "I don't know what you have gone through. I know it was hard for me, but then again it was my fault in the first place." There was so much he wanted to say to Shuichi that he didn't know how too. It was awkward for him, who made his living from words, to admit that he didn't know what to say.

A few moments passed in silence and then Eiri felt small arms wrap around him from behind. He let his hands drop to cover the smaller ones on his waist. "You'll never know how sorry I am. I was so…" He trailed off when he felt the arms tighten. They relaxed again when he fell silent.

Eiri turned around in Shuichi's arms and pulled him closer. "Would you dance, if I asked you to dance?" The whisper was low, but Shuichi could hear the longing in Eiri's voice. "Would you run and never look back?"

It took just a second, but Shuichi recognized it. It was a song by some American singer that had been quite popular in the last year or so. He had heard more than one band do a Japanese cover, but they never quite caught the emotion apparent in the original. It only seemed half odd that Eiri knew the song at all.

Shuichi rested his head on Eiri's firm chest. He took a moment to savor the familiar sent and he moved with Eiri as the elder man began to rock them in a slow dance.

"Would you cry if you saw me crying? Would you save my soul tonight?"

There was no music but they moved together as if they had never been apart. When Eiri's hand lifted Shuichi's chin Shuichi turned his head without resistance. Their lips met in a slow sweet kiss that sent a shiver down Shuichi's spine.

Shuichi was startled when he felt a drop of wetness fall to his face. He opened his eyes and saw Eiri's tear filled ones staring back at him. Eiri's knees seemed to go out from under him and Shuichi was about to panic when Eiri simply buried his face in the material of Shuichi's shirt and let the tears flow.

Eiri was so much taller than Shuichi that it was not far for Shuichi to lean down and wrap an arm around Eiri's shoulders and gently pet those golden locks of hair with the other hand. All the time and pain between then vanished and Shuichi was starkly reminded of why they had been together for so long in the first place.

Each of them was everything the other was not. They were so different in every way that they had driven each other mad on more than one occasion, but at the same time… they made up for everything the other lacked. They supported each other's weaknesses. They each brought out the best in the other.

The most important thing, more anything else though, Shuichi now knew beyond a shadow of a doubt. They loved each other beyond life and death and pain. They would always be drawn back together no matter what. In the end they weren't whole without the other.

Nothing else mattered. If the world was dead set against them ever being together they would still find some way. Shuichi dropped to his knees in front of the man he loved. He didn't even think about it. The words came like a second nature even as he kissed the tears from Eiri's face. _"Would you tremble if I touched your lips? Would you laugh? Oh, please tell me this. Now, would you die for the one you love? Hold me in your arms tonight?"_

Eiri's eyes widened. It felt like the hole in his soul had suddenly been filled to overflowing. It was that voice. It was the voice he had needed to hear since the day he left. It was weak and rough from years of disuse, but it was the voice. And not only had Shuichi spoken, he had sung those words. Eiri was speechless.

_"I can be your hero, baby. I can kiss away the pain. I will stand by you forever. You can take my breath away."_

Even as what he had done registered in Shuichi's head he didn't care. It didn't scare him or worry him. He had always known that it was Eiri. Eiri was the reason that he had made it so far in the first place. Eiri was and always had been his real inspiration. Before he had met the writer he had only been a kid playing at being a singer. _"Would you swear that you'll always be mine? Would you lie? Would you run away? Am I in too deep? Have I lost my mind? I don't care. You're here tonight."_

He leaned up and kissed Eiri again. There was more passion in it this time as Shuichi let all his longing and need seep into the kiss. When they pulled apart both were panting slightly. "I forgive you."

He watched Eiri's face crumple into relieved sobs and felt tears of his own trail down his face. Their tears mingled when they kissed again. They both needed so badly to be with the other that it clouded everything else in their lives.

And as clothing fell in a messy trail as they stumbled toward the bedroom, nothing else mattered. Shuichi's heart still believed in Eiri and Eiri's stubborn heart refused to let Shuichi go.

XXX

I firmly stand by the fact that I believe that Shuichi did not recover too fast to be plausible. Besides there are two very important things I want to point out. One: it is my story and I'll do what I want to. Two: it does not say 'The End' down there at that bottom.

The song is Hero, by Enrique Iglesias. You can blame or thank, depending on your point of view. This song for the way this chapter turned out.

Next chapter: The morning after. Consequences and repercussions of getting back together so damn fast. These two fools have always rushed in where angels feared to tread so why should this be different? Tohma and Kenji are not happy at all that the two are together again. Will Shuichi's voice stand the test of sudden recovery? And what happened to that flash back with Hiro?

Too much? Not enough? More to come.


	9. Chapter 9

**Golden Silence**

It has been almost two years since I last updated this project. My muse seemed to simply turn itself off as my life became more and more hectic. Other than that I have no real excuses. I am working on editing this thing too since it never really had a beta. I hope to get some real work done on this and my other stories, but I wouldn't have you hold your breath. I know that my life is still in a severe state of chaos. Wish me luck.

I do not own Gravitation and no money is being made from this work.

Neither do I own Beck (The Mongolian Chop Squad). This is NOT a cross over. I just like to pretend that they all live in the same universe.

I feel the need to repeat that there is a _**STRONG LANGUAGE WARNING**_ for this story.

Per a few requests to reduce confusion, I now have a key:

"Talking."

'Signing.'

_Writing._

**Chapter Nine**

Shuichi woke slowly, not really taking in his surroundings. It had been such a good dream. He hadn't slept that well in ages. Figured that the dream was about Yuki.

"I place my feelings on the receding clouds,  
On the road home, where I pause to stand.

"You are already a part of my continuing dreams;  
I know that those feelings can't possibly reach you from here."

He groaned as his phone started playing Anti-Nostalgic, telling him that he had mail. It has got to be Kinji, he thought. He reached for his nightstand, but came up with air. He forced his eyes open and instantly realized where he was.

He made to sit up, but Yuki groaned and pulled Shuichi closer to his chest. "Were do you think you're going?"

A bright but sleepy smile spread across Shuichi's face. "It wasn't a dream," he croaked out in a harsh whisper.

"Nope. Mine." Yuki dug his nose into the nape of Shuichi's neck possessively and a small but audible giggle forced it's way from Shuichi's throat.

The moment passed and they settled together comfortably. It was almost surreal how fast things were changing and coming back together. It hurt when Shuichi spoke, but he was speaking, quietly and hoarsely, but speaking nonetheless. They both knew that there was still a lot of work to do to fix what had broken between them, but somehow they both knew that it would work out. It had to. They had both been slowly dieing while they were apart.

The peace that had settled back over them was broken as Shuichi's phone gave a shrill beep, reminding him that he had mail waiting. They both groaned, but Shuichi pulled free of Yuki's grip long enough to locate his phone where it had fallen in their rush to remove clothing the night before.

Shuichi pulled the phone open and sure enough, the mail was from Kenji.

_Where the hell are you? Saiko and I are worried sick. You up and leave, you don't come home? You don't show up for work? You better send me a message or show up soon, else I'm going to report you MIA._

Shuichi could only groan again as he looked at the clock on his phone and realize he was four hours late for work. Kenji may have been one of his best friends, but he was also Shuichi's boss. If nothing else he owed the man an explanation for not going in.

"Who are Kenji and Saiko?"

Yuki had sat up to smoke while Shuichi got the phone, but had read the mail over his shoulder. "My boss slash friend and his wife. They helped me a lot after I lost my voice. They can be really over protective sometimes." Shuichi would have said more, but his voice was already getting tired.

He opened a new message on his phone and wrote Kenji a short mail: _I am safe. A lot happened last night. I'll tell you about it later. I wont be in today._

He didn't explain further than that and was surprised that he didn't feel bad about it. He was still upset over the way Kenji had reacted. He rolled back and snuggled up against Yuki's chest. "I want to talk to you, but it is already starting to hurt."

Yuki thought about it for a moment. "I have an idea, but later. For now you don't have to say a thing." Yuki snuffed out his cigarette and slid down in the bed to cover Shuichi's mouth with his own.

XXX

It was well into the afternoon before Yuki and Shuichi made it out of the bedroom for more than a quick trip to the bathroom. After eating in silence Yuki had Shuichi sit down on the sofa while he retrieved his laptop. He opened a new document and set it to a larger font so that he could read it without smothering Shuichi.

Shuichi understood instantly and kissed Yuki for the good idea. He didn't wait; he just started typing the way he used to talk. It all came out in a jumble, but Yuki had a lot of practice understanding Shuichi-ese. Yuki did his best to honestly answer Shuichi's questions and asked a few of his own. It wasn't until he asked Shuichi why he came around so fast that Shuichi hesitated.

_I asked an expert._

XXX

**_The previous day…_**

Hiro blinked, looking down upon his 'long lost' best friend. He wasn't sure whether to be happy to see Shuichi or mad at him because of the long estrangement. Neither was he sure what to say to the pink haired man and it didn't help that Shuichi appeared to be frozen in place, as if he hadn't thought that Hiro would really be there.

Just as Hiro opened his mouth to ask why Shuichi was there he was hit with a full force tackle/hug causing him to land painfully on the floor with Shuichi's arms wrapped around his middle.

Hiro could only roll his eyes. The more things changed the more they stayed the same. He used his foot to push the door closed. He gently petted Shuichi's head as a damp spot slowly spread across his t-shirt. He had no way of knowing what brought on this visit but it was comforting to know that Shuichi had missed him as much as he had missed Shuichi.

When Shuichi's shoulders stopped shaking he carefully pried the little pink leach from his waist and stood up puling Shuichi to his feet as well. When he knew he had Shuichi's attention he signed for the first time in his friends presence. _'_It's been awhile.'

Shuichi blinked once and then again. 'When did you learn to sign?'

'I've been learning since you started. I wanted to be able to talk to you. Maiko has been helping me stay in practice since you made yourself scarce.'

Shuichi blinked again. 'Maiko, as in my sister, Maiko?'

Hiro nodded. 'That would be the one. I've stayed in touch with them and they've kept me up to date on how you were doing.'

Shuichi was puzzled. He rarely saw or wrote to his family. He told them next to nothing about his life. He had done the only think he could think of when he lost his voice and let them down so badly, he had pulled away. He hadn't wanted to be a burden, he still didn't.

Slowly he wiped his face on his sleeve and stood up. 'Why didn't you just ask me?'

Hiro stood up as well and waved Shuichi into the sitting area. He still lived in his relatively small apartment, but he was so rarely home that it didn't really matter. No one messed with him, because no one really knew he lived there. Besides, all people cared about was Sora.

Refusing to turn around, Hiro spoke aloud, "I didn't ask you because I thought you wanted to be left alone… and I was hurt. You just walked away. You left us behind. I don't know. It was hard. We felt it too." Hiro scratched his head in frustration. "We didn't want you to leave, Shuichi. It wasn't just about the band. You were our friend. It isn't Bad Luck without you, even now."

Shuichi sighed and Hiro turned around. 'I couldn't sing. Without me the band had a chance for…' He stopped as Hiro cut him off.

"Nothing! Bad Luck had nothing without you. We are a joke! Sora has turned us into a laughing stock. Sora's juvenile lyrics and constant fan service had turned us into the kind of band you and I used to make fun of. It is hard enough to be taken seriously in techno-pop without…" Hiro cut himself off and took a deep breath. He sat down and tried to calm down. "He was supposed to sing our song for awhile until you got better. The next thing Suguru and I know we are recording new songs with him and Seguchi is telling us that it's what you wanted. It devolved from there. We would have rather broken up than kept working with that idiot, but we thought it was what you wanted so we went along with it."

Shuichi sat calmly and waited for Hiro to finish. He tried to really absorb what was being said, but from his perspective it made no sense. He sat for several minutes thinking before he knocked on the table to get Hiro's attention. 'I couldn't put myself before the band. Bad Luck was too important and I wanted to see her… and you succeed even if it meant I couldn't be a part of it. I think that loosing my voice was punishment for trying to take more than my fair share of happiness. I didn't deserve her.'

Hiro's expression morphed quickly from bewilderment to incredulous disbelief during the silent speech. He reached out toward his life long friend and swiftly bopped him on the head. "You stupid ass! Where the hell did you come up with that pity party? I mean, you have come up with a lot of stupid shit in your life but this takes the cake!"

'Even Ryuichi…'

Hiro stood up so suddenly that Shuichi's hands fell slack in his lap. "Fuck fucking Sakuma Ryuichi! You were in a slump because you had just lost you boyfriend. He had no right to try and _fix_ anything!"

Shuichi went impossibly still at the casually mention of Yuki. Hiro didn't know that things were changing, that Yuki was back. Suddenly Shuichi realized that was the real reason that he had sought Hiro out. It was his reflex to seek out his best friend when faced with any uncertainty surrounding his soulmate.

'I guess it doesn't really matter anymore, either way. I can't speak and…' He didn't know how to tell Hiro that Yuki was back in his life. Hiro might get mad or he might get his hopes up that Shuichi's voice would return.

Hiro crossed his arms looking stubborn. "And what? Have you given up on even trying?"

Shuichi shook his head no. 'There might still be hope. Some things have changed recently and… and it might help. Don't get your hopes up or anything, but it might.'

Hiro uncrossed his arms and gave Shuichi a hard look. "Who is it?"

Shuichi didn't even try to deny it, but he wasn't sure how to explain it either. After everything that had happened most of Shuichi's friends were of the opinion that the best thing that could happen to Yuki Eiri was to fall off the face of the Earth. In the end he decided that it was easier to just cut to the chase. 'Yuki is back. I met him by accident this morning.' Had it really only been that morning? It seemed like so much longer. Things were happening too fast.

"You met up met up with Yuki this morning?"

'Yes.'

"That's it? Less than a day and you suddenly have a whole new outlook on life? After he broke your heart too many times to count and abandoned you?"

Shuichi pulled his knees up against his chest. He knew that he was impetuous, and he knew he was an idiot, but when Hiro put it like that he really felt stupid. Was he a masochist or something? Was he looking to be hurt again? Shuichi shook his head violently and straightened up in the seat. 'There is more to it than that. I… I can't really explain it, I never could. Yuki is… everything to me. I tried dating and I tried getting over him, but he was always there in the back of my mind. I can't count how many times I thought about dropping everything and looking for him. I chased after him again and again for years. I…'

Shuichi just stopped. No one ever really understood their relationship. With the exception of Yuki's infatuation with his teacher, neither of them could really even be considered gay outside of each other. It was truly as if they really were soulmates. Some cosmic force had deemed that they would never be complete unless they were together, but at the same time the world kept trying to pull them apart. He hesitated to compare the relationship to Romeo and Juliet, but at the same time it seemed to fit; destined to be together and yet doomed to be apart.

There was a long silence as both Hiro and Shuichi contemplated the situation.

'I saw it in his eyes. He was still afraid, but he was looking for me this time.'

Hiro sat down again feeling defeated. There was no helping a fool. He had to admit, silently at least, that the two of them would be perfect together if they could stop hurting each other. "Alright, I give. I swear I don't know what to do with you. But hear this, if he ever hurts you again I'll personally see to it that he is eviscerated in the most painful way possible and that they never find the pieces."

Shuichi's chest giggled in a silent chuckle. 'I'll warn him.' He paused for a moment. 'So you don't think that I'm making a mistake?'

Hiro shook his head. "I think that the whole thing had been a colossal mistake from the beginning, but you've loved him since the first time you met. If you are meant to be together then it isn't my place to come between you."

Shuichi looked down at his watch and suddenly realized that there was somewhere else he needed to be. 'I've got to go.'

Hiro nodded in perfect understanding. "I'll be here for the rest of the week. You had better show up and tell me the rest of the story before I have to go back to work."

Shuichi nodded and hugged Hiro. There was really nothing else to be said for the moment. Nothing was certain yet, but he had been honest when he told Hiro that there was at least hope.

XXX

By that time they had been talking for hours. They had been honest with each other and, amazingly, neither had really gotten upset over some of the more frank answers.

After his long-winded explanation about his visit with Hiro, Shuichi felt drained. Yuki saw it and decided that it was better just to take it for what it was: a gift. It hurt a little that Shuichi had gone to see someone he hadn't seen in years for advise instead of coming to him, but he really couldn't complain under the circumstances. So he let it rest.

"Do you want to eat here, go out, or…" Yuki hesitated. He didn't want Shuichi to leave, but he didn't want to overwhelm him either.

Having rested his voice for several hours Shuichi chose to answer aloud. "I really don't want to leave, but I really need to go home. I don't have anything here and Kenji is going to be ready to send out the search party as it is."

Yuki wanted to tell Shuichi to just quit his job, but Kenji was also Shuichi's friend. "Let me drive you home?"

"Yeah."

XXX

I really wasn't kidding when I said in the last chapter that the other scene had taken this one with Hiro and Shuichi's reunion over, but I'll now admit that it was mostly because that scene was really hard to write. My only salvation in it was that Hiro is endlessly understanding when it comes to Shuichi, he is an expert on his best friend.

Sorry I didn't spend more time on Yuki and Shuichi's conversation, but the actually discourse is irrelevant. What is important is that they talked through some of their issues.

I'll get to Kenji and Tohma's reactions in the next chapter. I know this isn't very long, especially since it has been so long since the last update, but it was starting to feel like it was dragging and that was a good stopping point.

The song is Anti-Nostalgic from the series. I thought is was good ring tone for Shuichi.

So, too much? Not enough? More to come… eventually. (Sooner rather than later, I hope.)


	10. Chapter 10

**Golden Silence**

I do not own Gravitation and no money is being made from this work.

Neither do I own Beck (The Mongolian Chop Squad). This is NOT a cross over. I just like to pretend that they all live in the same universe.

I feel the need to repeat that there is a _**STRONG LANGUAGE WARNING**_ for this story.

Per a few requests to reduce confusion, I now have a key:

"Talking."

"_Singing."_

'_Thinking.'_

'Signing.'

_Writing._

It should be said that Yuki is going to become more and more like he was in the latter part of the first manga and the second manga (what little there is of it). This means that he will be clingy, possessive, and needy to say the least. Well… you'll just have to wait and see.

It has been a long time… again. I won't go into it, but you guys know how it is. This is the only story I am taking off of hiatus right now. For those of you who follow my other stuff _Different Circumstances_ has been adopted, but the others are staying mine. _Twisting Fate_ is still being reluctant. It doesn't seem to want to be written. Oh well, one step at a time, right? I reread this story before I posted this chapter and I realized that there a quite a few mistakes and inconsistencies. I will try to get those fixed, but I am going to focus on moving the story forward first. I wish I could say that this was a nice long chapter for your wait, but it's not. I'm really fighting to get my muse back in gear.

**Chapter Ten**

Shuichi broke away from the kiss and pushed open the car door. He had one foot on the pavement when Eiri's hand grabbed his wrist again. "I _really _have to go." He turned back to look at the one man who seemed to have unimaginable power over him. "You know where I live, I know where you live. Neither of us is going anywhere."

Yuki's fingers twitched as he forced himself to let go. "I…"

Shuichi took a deep breath and rubbed his throat. He had been speaking again for less than twenty-four hours and he had been seriously overtaxing his voice for Yuki's sake. It hurt to speak already, but he forced himself on. "You'll see me latter. We have come a long way really fast. We both need time to think."

Yuki nodded and Shuichi squeezed Yuki's lax hand in reassurance. A last peck on the lips later Shuichi closed the car door behind him and watched as Yuki resolutely drove off. He walked toward the elevator like he was approaching his doom.

**XXX**

Eiri parked his car, but hesitated to get out. What he really wanted was to turn around and go right back to Shuichi, but he knew the younger man was right. They both needed time to assimilate everything that had been happening.

Eiri forced himself out of the car, all the while questioning his own sanity. It had taken him so long to come to grips with his feelings for Shuichi. After finding out everything that had happened in his absence he had wavered. Then, given the smallest of chances he had rushed in blind, uncaring of the consequences.

He understood what was happening perfectly, but that made it no easier to deal with. He knew, that not so deep down, that he was afraid of letting Shuichi out of his sight. That if he looked away for even a moment Shuichi would be gone and it would have only been a dream.

It had taken a lot for him to stop questioning his feelings and so little to send him over the deep end again. Why does this have to be so damn complicated, he thought to himself.

He slid open his door and immediately wished he was somewhere, anywhere else. He gritted his teeth and threw his keys down on the hall table after toeing off his shoes. "Wow, you must be loosing your touch. It took you two days to catch up with me and I only came home."

Tohma didn't look amused and neither did Mika. "Where have you been? You haven't been answering you phone and you weren't here. We have been waiting."

Eiri rolled his eyes at his sister and headed for the kitchen. "You must have just missed me. I was only gone for an hour or so. Want some tea?" His answer was totally nonchalant, so he knew it would piss them off. He smirked since he knew they couldn't see him.

"You didn't answer the question, Eiri-kun."

Eiri's shoulders slumped at Tohma's tone of voice. Oh well, he thought, in for a penny. "I had to drop Shuichi off at his apartment. He didn't have a change of cloths so he had to go home," he stated bluntly and then waited for the fallout. He desperately wanted to see their faces, but at the same time he couldn't bring himself to turn around.

It only took a moment for Tohma to respond and Eiri almost flinched at his tone of voice. "Excuse me? I must not have heard you right. You see, the last time I got anything out of you about it, you had decided that it was a bad idea to see Shuichi."

At this Eiri did turn around. He was suddenly very angry. A few things were making sense. "Is that right? Personally, I don't recall saying or implying that. It is true that I was ashamed of myself and not keen on seeing him, but never thought it was a bad thing. I just didn't have the guts! But this…" He cut himself off. It was too familiar.

Eiri looked at his sister, but she wasn't looking at him, she was looking at Tohma's back. Her eyes where downcast and she looked, if anything, ashamed.

"I get it. You have made no secret of your dislike of our relationship over the years, Big Brother, but it has never and will never be any of your business. For a long time I just brushed you off, I didn't care because I didn't take Shuichi seriously. Thing are different now. I found him by accident both times. This time I don't plan on letting him go, you and everyone else be damned."

Eiri crossed his arms defiantly and waited. Tohma was glaring at him angrily, but he wasn't trying to refute Eiri's claims.

"Fine. If that is the way you want it. When everything falls apart, I'll be there to pick up the pieces, but don't expect Shindou to escape unscathed. I took car of him last time, but I'll take pains to destroy him when his breaks you again." Tohma took Mika's hand and stormed out and it was all Eiri could do not to follow and punch him square in the jaw.

Those few short moments of conversation had revealed both everything and nothing. That was all it had taken for Eiri to see through Tohma's mechanizations… again, but he didn't know how far back it went. He wondered how much of the last few years he could lay at Tohma's feet, but the musing was irrelevant.

He and Shuichi had a lot of work to do to repair their relationship. They would be the ones to rebuild their lives together. If Tohma tried to interfere, Eiri would let his darker side out all over Tohma's ass.

Shuichi was his, and he didn't care what it took, he was never letting him go.

**XXX**

Shuichi pushed open his door and waited for a moment. When no one accosted him he gave a sigh of relief. He had been worried that Kenji or Saiko would be there to question him.

He toed off his shoes and headed to his bedroom. He still hadn't unpacked from his trip and he had a lot of laundry to do. He made it as far as the hallway before he realized what he had just seen. He groaned mentally and was tempted to hit his head against the wall for good measure. Might as well get it over with, he thought.

He backtracked into the living room. He didn't give Kenji a chance to get up or speak before he started signing. 'You know, I think it is wonderful that I have such a good job. I mean, I can afford this really nice apartment and I get vacation and sick leave. My boss is generally a really nice guy too, but you know what? He can also be really, really nosey.'

"Cute, real cute."

Shuichi rolled his eyes and sat down. 'I guess it was too much to ask to just be able to talk to you about it tomorrow.'

Kenji sat forward with an angry look. "Am I not allowed to be worried about you?"

Shuichi shrugged his shoulders lightly. 'Of course you are, but there is nothing to worry about. Not yet anyway.'

Kenji lifted an eyebrow. "Not yet? I think there is plenty to worry about. You just spent the night with the man who destroyed your life."

Shuichi clenched his jaw. He was not going to put up with this. 'Look, I love you. I love your family. You guys are great people. You're like the brother I never had. However, this is my life, my decision, and I don't plan to let you or anyone else influence it. I am willing to try working out my problems with Yuki. I am convinced that he loves me and is willing to try making amends. That should be all that matters to you or anyone else. Besides, he is not the only who bears blame for how our relationship turned out.'

Kenji scrubbed his hands across his face in an obvious sign of frustration. Shuichi waited patiently. He knew that his friend needed time to think. Hell, Shuichi needed time to think. So much had happened in the last two days that he was a bit dizzy from it all. The only thing that kept him from going off was Yuki. The hope surrounding that one thought kept him sane for the time being; because Yuki meant hope.

Kenji looked up at his little friend and saw the thoughtful look on his face. "Shuichi, come sit down please."

Shuichi hesitated for only a moment. He sat down next to his friend and waited. He knew it was coming, but what was said caught him a little off guard. "You know, when Tohma-san first told me about you I really didn't think that you could cut it. I figured that you would be like so many who were disabled later in life and ended up destitute living off of friends and family. You simply didn't seem to have any will left."

For once Kenji wasn't signing as he spoke. It was a years long habit that seemed kind of odd for him to break. Shuichi turned to get a better look at his friend. Kenji's head was down and he looked somehow… defeated.

"It seemed for a long time, as I got more involved with your case, that you wouldn't recover at all. You simply wouldn't accept the fact that you might never speak again, let alone sing. I tried to pass off your slow understanding of sign as a result of your continued ability to hear. When you finally cut ties with your band you seemed to recover a bit and soon enough you were signing almost expertly. When I decided to give you a job after that, it wasn't really because Tohma-san asked me to. I did it because I thought you had accepted what you were and thought you could inspire others."

Shuichi was starting to wonder where Kenji was going with all of this. The only real revelation, though not really surprising, was the fact that Kenji had hired him on his own merit rather than Tohma's request.

"You may not know it, but Tohma-san still checks up on you regularly. He always asks if you have shown any signs of recovering your voice. I hate to say it, but he almost sounds relieved when I tell him no. I think even he wants you to be able to move on with your life."

Shuichi felt like his heart stopped in his chest. _'"…he almost sounds relieved when I tell him no." I just bet he does,'_ he thought. He could feel anger rising in his cheeks.

"Tohma-san told me all about the things that led up to you loosing your voice. I know you didn't ever want to talk about it so I left it alone. But you have to have to understand why I am so concerned. You have a life now, a good job, and friends. I don't want to see you become the zombie you were when I first met you."

Shuichi had to take several deep breaths to calm himself down. He knew the kind of person that Tohma was, but he couldn't no for certain what the man had really been thinking all of these years. Granted that Shuichi wouldn't put it past the man to use everything that had happened to keep Yuki and he apart. It could very well have been a plot, but regardless, he didn't think that Kenji was involved. He knew one good way to test that theory though.

"Despite what Seguchi Tohma may have told you, Yuki is not the root of all the evils in my life," he ground out in a deep rasp.

Kenji's surprised face and slowly spreading smile were proof enough for Shuichi. "What… when… how?"

Shuichi started to chuckle, but it hurt. He rubbed a hand across his throat and coughed slightly. He started signing again. 'I said something yesterday. It was Yuki, it was always Yuki. I have no way of knowing what will happen next, but I refuse to give up on this. He and I share too strong of a connection. He is the only man… hell the only person I have ever really loved in a romantic sense. I cannot honestly say what is going on, and I have a long road ahead of me, but I can only move forward.'

Kenji reached out and pulled his friend into a fierce hug.

'_It may be a fight, and he may not always agree with me, but at least I know that Kenji is on my side.'_

**XXX**

**A/N:** It is really late now, and I have to be up really early, so I'll leave this here. No promises on when the next one will be out, but I will try.

Too much? Not enough? More to come.


End file.
